So, I was reading my older posts and after I read TKO From Tokyo and Who? I realized that our daughter is a bully, at least to me. This made me start to think of all the other humiliating and mean things she has done or said to me. I am going to tell you this stuff now because my therapist told me that it is therapeutic to talk about it.
The other day we were at the BX (base exchange ie Wal-mart) and Keira and I had to wait for my wife. So trying to make sure Keira stayed occupied I decided to take her to the fragrance department because I know she always love to try on knew smells. On the way over I asked her if she would like to smell like a boy or a girl, and of course she replied, "girl".
Me: "What kind of girl do you want to smell like?"
Her: "A pink girl."
Me: "Do you want to smell like Britney Spears?"
Her: "Eww, No. Yucky."
Me: "Okay, do you want to smell like Jennifer Lopez?"
Her: "Daddy, no."
Me: "Do you want to smell like Paris Hilton?"
Her: "No, she smells like poo poo."
Me: "You are probably right."
This continued for a little while until she decided to smell like Gwen Steffani. After she had her smell, Tricia wasn't back yet so I decided to choose a scent for myself. I made my first major mistake. I turned my back on my little bully. As I sat perusing through the different colognes, Keira would come up with a perfume and say "Daddy, does this smell good?" I would smell it and say "oh, yes it does" then I would hand it back to her and continue my searching. After about the sixth time she did this, I noticed that the female smells were overpowering the male smells and as I turned around I caught Keira spraying the last perfume that I had approved of all over my behind. As I further investigated the situation I determined that she had sprayed me with every one she had brought over and quite extensively by the amount of moisture that was on the back of my pants. As I started to scold her, she started laughing and said, "Now you are going to turn into a princess." The rest of the night she called me a princess even after I had the serious conversation of "daddy isn't laughing anymore. It isn't funny. and, quit calling me a princess." to which she replied, "okay princess." It didn't help that Tricia after hearing what happened couldn't stop laughing and joined in on the princess chants.
Another malicious thing she did to me happened just today. Tricia had balled up a bunch of watermelon for Keira and put it into a bowl. As Keira was eating it, it looked so delicious I thought I would try a bite.
Me: "Keira, may I have some watermelon?"
Keira: "No."
Me: "Please?"
Keira: "NO!"
Me: "Please, just one bite?"
Keira: "Fine, I hope you choke!"
Where do they pick this stuff up.
One last one before I end this, Keira has a knack of hitting or kicking me right where it hurts a man most, and because we don't care to teach her the proper terminology for certain anatomy, we have had talks about not hitting daddy in the "hoo hoo." Well, two weeks ago she got me really good with her knee when she jumped on me from the back of our couch while I was laying down watching a movie. As I doubled over in agony and yelled in an ultra high pitched voice she ran away laughing and singing, "ha ha, I got you in the hoo hoo." It is like I have my buddy Jed with me again. Someone to laugh at me every time I am in pain, only this buddy usually causes the pain. "What doesn't kill you will only make you stronger. (or cripple you for life.)"
11 comments:
Just FYI, everyone. Eric makes it sound like we have no idea how she got this way...well, here is a little background. Eric likes to tease Keira by calling her a boy and telling her that her name is "Bob". She hates that. He also will tell her (jokingly) "I hope you choke". He is the maker of this little bully and deserves it all.
Never mind the crazy lady's comment above. She is part of the bullying. If Keira isn't calling me names, Tricia is. They take turns. Tricia is just trying to protect her own. I still love her more than anything though.
Liar.
See what I mean.
Well, considering the facts of living with you for a lot of my childhood...........I applaud Keira!! There are worse things than being a princess. Princess.
OMG! That is so funyy. I am always going to call you princess, from now on!! Great post PRINCESS!!!
Hilarious - Jed will love jumping on the band wagon - calling you princess.
I can't get enough of that picture of your adorable little bully. It truly is priceless and perfect for the post... which is hysterical. I'm afraid to inform you that I rather like your daughter and I would encourage her everyday to keep it up. It makes for some hilarious stories!
Good luck getting your tonsils out! Oonie hated it! Hopefull it will go smoother for you! :)
Well Princess Ericfina, have you heard the saying "what goes around comes around!" I'll I have to say to you my friend, Princess Ericfina, YOUR DOOMED. You can end one of the problems like major league baseball players do when they get a bad hop to HOO HOO. Just put on a cup when you get home. Plus, I'm on your side with the name calling and the saying " I hope you choke!" I remember Tricia say such wonderful comments in dedicating her love to you once in a blue moon. I feel for ya, I'm just rooting for the next one to be a boy so you have a partner to get back at the girls. Anyway, love ya like a brother Princess Ericfina.
That post was hilarious! Your daughter is great! I love that you are her personal princess!
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