This is going to be a Long but Short Post

There are a few stories that Jed and I have that are worthy of being posted but not long enough to dedicate a single post per story. So here it is. Some short stories from the files of

I can't give all of the credit for these stories to my memory. Jed has reminded me of some of them through comments on previous posts. Anyway, let's get on with it shall we?

Story 1: Escargot

One night Jed and I had gotten in trouble by Mom (Jed's mom) for doing something we probably shouldn't have done. Her punishment for us this night was to de-snail her garden. We took a bucket and a couple of flashlights, and Me, Jed, and Jed's brother and sister all made the trip to the backyard garden. As you guessed, it started to get very boring so to try and pass the time we started to see who could find the biggest snail. I found the biggest snail, and there was no way any of the other three were going to find a bigger one. But Jed, never wanting to be out done started yelling out, "I have found the biggest one!" As he threw his snail into the bucket, It made a loud thump and smash sound on the bottom of the bucket. It turns out it wasn't a snail at all, but instead a large rock. The rock smashed some of the snails so Jed started to bounce the bucket, smashing the rest of the snails, then he grabbed a stick to stir them up. He started to dare me to eat it, but I said I don't eat stuff like that without money. So, his brother pulled out 5 dollars. I'm not proud of it, but I ate the snail guts. The funny thing is, I did not throw-up, but Jed and his brother did.

Story 2: Essence of JedNEric

Jed and I used to meet girls all over Utah, but on this night we had to drive about an hour north to meet these girls. We decided to get something to eat before our long ride. I don't remember where we ate, but it didn't agree (and I mean, REALLY didn't agree) with either of us. The problem was, it was way too cold to drive all that way with the windows down. You see, it was probably the coldest day of the year, and my heater wasn't working its best. So, we would crack the window a bit every time a "spider would start barking", but we definitely knew that after an hour ride, and the amount of methane in the car there would be no way to mask the smell. Our plan was to jump out of the car very quickly when we arrived so the girls wouldn't catch a wif of our unpleasant side. Well, when we got to our destination the girls were standing in the parking lot, and when we stopped they ran to my window. Without thinking, I rolled my window down. To my horror, the girls both stuck their heads into our gas chamber. I watched their faces, and there was not even the slightest hint of disgust, and, completely sarcasm free, one of the girls said, "Wow, it really smells good in here guys." That day Jed and I decided that someday we would create our own line of cologne.

Story 3: Making the News

One day at school everyone kept telling us that they had seen us on TV in the news. We were a little confused because we had never been video taped, other than at track meets, so we assumed that there was a clip of us at a track meet. We enjoyed the attention. A month went by, and we didn't hear anything else about it until we were hanging out with some friends that we hadn't seen for awhile. One of them started telling us that she remembered seeing us on the news. We asked her what we were doing, and she said, "It looked like you were leaving the school after a track practice because you were bare footed, without shirts, and your giant gym bags over your shoulders." Jed asked her what the story was about, and laughing a little bit, but also showing some concern, she said, "they were doing a story about how Cottonwood High School was one of only two high schools in Utah that had a gay and lesbian club." What?

Story 4: Are You Getting Enough Lead in Your Diet?

Jed's father is a chiropractor and we would often visit him at his office when he was working late. On this particular visit we were sitting in one of his adjustment rooms, and following the general theme of every story, we once again became bored. We started tossing these little weighted bean bag-type things that Dad would have his patients hold to stretch their arms during an adjustment. Well, I broke one and all of the little lead b-bs poured out on to the floor. We hurried to clean them up, but we weren't quick enough. With the last handful in my hand Jed's dad walked in. Thinking quick I threw them in my mouth and swallowed. Unfortunately Jed's dad caught me. I don't know if he was worried, or he thought it was cool, either way he wanted to take an x-ray of my stomach. Sure enough, you could see all of the little b-bs in my stomach and one in my lung, that went down the wrong pipe when I inhaled as I put them into my mouth. That one was coughed out the next day.

Story 5: Run...Stop!

So Jed and I weren't ever big time toilet paperers, but we did indulge in it if that is what the group was doing. On this occasion, it was Jed, Oscar, and Eeyore (the last two were nicknames obviously), one of the girl's mothers (she was the driver), and me. When we finished, the girls went back to the suburban and Jed and I left a present on the door step, rang the bell and took off running. On the way there, I had been sitting in the front passenger seat so obviously, I thought that I was returning to that seat. I was wrong. As I was running up, the girl in the back seat swung open the back passenger door for me to get in, albeit a little too late. I was stopped in the middle of my tracks, both legs and arms parallel to the ground, one on each side of the door. My face and body slammed into the edge of the door. Jed, in true Jed-fashion, fell to the ground, laughing hysterically.

That is all I have for you right now, but don't worry, there are many, many more where those came from. Oh, and Jed if you have any more that you remember better than I do, let me know and I'll get them posted.