WHAT?

New Years Resolution

2012-01-02T02:35:00.006+09:00

Here is one of my New Years Resolutions so all of you can check up on me. Hopefully that means I will be better at accomplishing this one. My goal is to get into top shape. You know, the regular working out goal. I won't bore you with the "how I am going to do it", but I do have that written down and mapped out. This is my before picture. And Hopefully this will be my after picture.

I think I can do it and I know Tricia hopes I can too (wink wink nudge nudge).

Look Who's Laughing Now

2011-12-30T18:25:00.003+09:00

So, with life in general, and school, and PCSing ("moving" for all you civilians) and SCHOOL, I haven't had the time to partake of an old past time that I have always enjoyed. And that is, telling you (my one reader, if that anymore) stories. But I am still in the giving spirit of Christmas, and this story is just too great to let it fall by the wayside so, here it is. Oh, and my new year resolution is to add at least one post a month (even during school). Help me keep this resolution. OK, now the story.

So, one morning during this Christmas break, I was fortunate enough to be awake when my youngest daughter (2 yrs) woke up. She walked into the living room all grouchy and sleepy-eyed and I said "good morning. Come give daddy a hug and a kiss."

To which she replied, "NO" shaking her head from side to side very deliberately.

I countered with "Please. Daddy loves hugs from his baby."

And that too was met with the stern "NO" and over-exagerated head shake. So, I did what any hug-desperate dad would do. I got down on all fours and slowly started crawling toward her with the intention of stealing a hug and a kiss. Well to my surprise (although I shouldn't have been surprised by it), as soon as I got within an arms reach, I was slapped full force across the side of my face. Needless to say, I didn't want the hug anymore. I promptly sent her to "time-out" and explained that we do not hit. She quietly walked over to fulfill her punishment, turned around and stood there motionless scowling at me through her binky while she clutched her blanky. After about a minute of this, I asked, "are you ready to come tell daddy sorry?"

And with the same amount of enthusiasm she gave me another "NO". After about 5 or so minutes of trying to get her to apologize I devised a plan that I was sure would be successful in getting me my "sorry" (It is so cute when she says it.) I went over to her and took her binky, and her blanky which she never goes anywhere without, and I tried again to coax a "sorry out of her by holding her most prized possessions hostage. When that was again shut down with a harsh "NO", my plan developed further. I went into her bedroom and retrieved her most favorite dolly, went to the couch across the room (where she could still see me, but not the T.V.), put the binky in my mouth, the blanky over my legs and cradled her dolly. I then put on her most favorite show, Yo Gaba Gaba. When she didn't budge during the entire episode of this ridiculous kids show, I decided to pull out the big guns. I turned up the volume and I put on Mickey Mouse's Clubhouse. Still with the binky in my mouth, dolly in my arms and blanky on my legs I completed the entire episode. Throughout these episodes I gave my daughter many chances to apologize and "come watch the show with daddy" and every opportunity I gave her was cut short with her stern and resounding "NO".

The thing that amazes me about this 2-year-old's determination and stamina, is that she stood in a corner without moving, not even her face to change her expression of disgust for almost an hour, let alone her resistance of all of these very desirable temptations that were put within her reach if she would just say "sorry".

In the end, she was sent to her room and I quickly followed. I took the nice guy approach this time and read her a story. She became very happy, but still refused to say sorry, so I gave up. My wonderful wife was very enthusiastic to make sure I recognized that I lost the battle miserably. And, for a little extra sting, she pointed out something I hadn't thought of. The joke was on me. I, a 32-year-old man, was duped by a 2-year-old little girl to watch 2 very torturous episodes of children's shows all while sucking on a binky, holding a baby dolly, and cuddling under my little frilly blanky covered in flowers.

For all of you keeping score at home, the current scores are:

Tricia - Infinity, Eric - maybe 2

Keira - 2,156, Eric - 10

Allyson - 327, Eric - 0.

Until I can get the rest of the videos loaded...

2011-06-18T21:18:00.003+09:00

So, I am trying to load some videos on Youtube so I can put them on here. There is one of Keira's dance recital. but until we get a better ISP the one I have already loaded will have to do for now. It is one of Keira's soccer games. She is number 13, but she isn't in this clip very much, but it was too good not to post. Oh, she plays for the team wearing red and white. Enjoy!
The boy was alright, so I think it has been an appropriate amount of time to be able to laugh about it now. I don't even think that the boy getting hit in the face is the funny part. I think it is more the reactions of everybody that I find amusing. The boy that kicked the ball looks like a bully and it looks like he meant to do it. Watch him stare the kid down. Then there is the little girl that winces at the sight. Also, there is the other little boy that is the teammate of the bully and he too looks to be saying, "I dare you to get up again." Of course there is the reaction of the little boy that took the blow to the face. He sits there with his head off the ground looking at his attacker like, "I can't believe you just did that." And finally, there is the referee. I know there was no foul or penalty on the play because nobody did anything wrong, but these are little kids that don't know the rules anyway, so blow your wistle already. I think it is silly how he runs in at the last second after the boy has been laying on the ground for a while and looks down at him (maybe to see if he is conscious) and then blows his whistle and holds his hand up towards the bully like he thinks the bully is about to strike again now that he has his prey where he wants him. That is what I think is amusing about this clip. I do not think that little children getting hurt is entertainment (ok maybe a little and only if it isn't something serious that they won't get over in a matter of seconds) Also, I doubt the boy I have been calling a "bully" is really a bully, I just think that had this been done on purpose, that is how I would expect a bully to act. It is funny though because after this incident, every time the "bully" would run toward the ball everyone including his own team would run away from the ball. I think I am becoming a soccer fan. I really enjoyed watching Keira play this year.

Fine... I Will Do Another Post

2011-06-17T23:51:00.010+09:00

So, everyone continues to bug me to do another post... ok, that is a lie. No one has even mentioned that I haven't posted in forever. It kind of makes me sad actually, that no one has said, "Hey Eric, get on your lazy butt and do a post so we know what is going on with you!" It is a good thing that Tricia posts about what we are doing so at least some people know what we are doing. Now, I have finally taken the initiative to post again and here it is. In about three weeks we are heading to The SLC where we will spend 2 weeks with my family. We are looking forward to that. Then it is off to Colorado to my in-law's for 2 weeks. Tricia said that I have to say I am looking forward to that too. (Just kidding mom and dad "B". We are looking forward very much to our entire trip. I just thought that would be a good place to insert an "in-law joke", and warm you up to all of the jokes you have been missing the past 4 years.) Oh, and Mike I hope you have been practicing your Foosball. I better take off now because it is late and I have a yard sale to attend to early tomorrow morning. I will write again soon, but in the mean time, here are some photos of our past couple of months for your viewing pleasure.

Pig Roast (the Sequel)

Nasty ankle sprain (I'm ayight!)

Swimming with the family.

Well the computer is acting up so that is all you are going to get for now. Sorry.

I am One Lucky Dad

2011-02-19T14:01:00.004+09:00

Not many fathers have the luxury of not needing to worry about their daughters when their little girls reach the dating age. I however do not need to stress out about what my daughter is doing on her dates. Below is my saving grace (and I believe it will hold up in any court of law, so it is good for well after she is 18).

Merry Christmas

2010-12-26T16:27:00.002+09:00

Wishing You All a Merry Christmas

2010-12-22T09:31:00.002+09:00

Mom, HELP!!!

2010-12-21T21:11:00.005+09:00

Mom, I am pretty sure dad is reading this to you, but I need your help. When I was 5 years old and joined a gang, what did you do to turn me back to the right path? Let me explain. I suspect that Keira has joined a gang and I don't know what to do to get her out of the gang. Lasterday (that is Keira talk for "yesterday"), Keira punched a 7-year-old boy in the stomach and made him cry, and I am not talking quiet little whimpering tears. He was in real pain. After I put on my Sherlock Holmes hat to investigate, I asked some of the other frightened kids what the boy was doing to taunt Keira into punching him. They told me that she punched him because he was going to go tell her parents (us) that she was spray painting a wall. Not the answer you were expecting? Me neither. This brought up many more questions, the first one was "What did you say?" After verifying that is what they said, my next questions were "what wall did she paint?", "where did she get the paint?", and the question that should have been obvious because of the reason I was out there in the first place, "Why didn't you stop her?" Well, they showed me the wall and of course the answer to the last question was "because she punched that guy when he tried to stop her." Well because I like to keep and collect all of Keira's artwork, below are some pictures of her tags.

Judging by the color she may be a member of the bloods. If you see this tag in your neighbor hood beware, because Krazy Keira is nearby.

My question again mom, is what did you do to correct me in times like this? We made Keira buy some white spray paint with her own money, we took some rocks away from her (thanks Jamie), and we put her in time out along with a grounding. Then today she did some other things that got her in trouble so we went to capital punishment and gave her 3 spankings. Knowing that she was in pain from the spankings, we were surprised when she sarcastically said, "Ouch" and then started laughing hysterically. In all honesty, it really isn't as bad as it sounds and I wrote this because I do see the humor in the story. I would hate for anyone to really believe that she is such a naughty girl. 99% of the time Keira is a little angel, it is just much easier to write about the humorous naughty stuff she does rather than the, "Keira was a good girl today. She did everything we asked her too, she ate all of her vegetables, and she went to bed without a fight" type stories that she does everyday. I am just glad this all happened before Christmas because coal is much cheaper than all the presents she would have gotten. Oh, and sorry it has taken me so long to post something on my blog, so hopefully the 2 readers I did have still have some faith in me and will read this. If not, this at least was a good journal entry. Merry Christmas everybody!

Go Camel, Go

2010-07-29T07:52:00.002+09:00

I guess I was too fat. He didn't want to go anywhere. Oh well.

Eric According to the Internet (and some psychology people)

2010-07-12T20:06:00.002+09:00

So my wife made me take a test at Humanmetrics.com. I did and this is what the Internet thinks of me. I have posted it to see if you agree. So, with no further ado, I present me according to the Internet:

Portrait of an ENFJ

Extroverted iNtuitive Feeling Judging
(Extraverted Feeling with Introverted Intuition)
________________________________________

The Giver

As an ENFJ, you're primary mode of living is focused externally, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit into your personal value system. Your secondary mode is internal, where you take things in primarily via your intuition.
ENFJs are people-focused individuals. They live in the world of people possibilities. More so than any other type, they have excellent people skills. They understand and care about people, and have a special talent for bringing out the best in others. ENFJ's main interest in life is giving love, support, and a good time to other people. They are focused on understanding, supporting, and encouraging others. They make things happen for people, and get their best personal satisfaction from this.

Because ENFJ's people skills are so extraordinary, they have the ability to make people do exactly what they want them to do. They get under people's skins and get the reactions that they are seeking. ENFJ's motives are usually unselfish, but ENFJs who have developed less than ideally have been known to use their power over people to manipulate them.

ENFJ's are so externally focused that it's especially important for them to spend time alone. This can be difficult for some ENFJs, because they have the tendency to be hard on themselves and turn to dark thoughts when alone. Consequently, ENFJs might avoid being alone, and fill their lives with activities involving other people. ENFJs tend to define their life's direction and priorities according to other people's needs, and may not be aware of their own needs. It's natural to their personality type that they will tend to place other people's needs above their own, but they need to stay aware of their own needs so that they don't sacrifice themselves in their drive to help others.

ENFJ's tend to be more reserved about exposing themselves than other extroverted types. Although they may have strongly-felt beliefs, they're likely to refrain from expressing them if doing so would interfere with bringing out the best in others. Because their strongest interest lies in being a catalyst of change in other people, they're likely to interact with others on their own level, in a chameleon-like manner, rather than as individuals.

Which is not to say that the ENFJ does not have opinions. ENFJs have definite values and opinions which they're able to express clearly and succinctly. These beliefs will be expressed as long as they're not too personal. ENFJ is in many ways expressive and open, but is more focused on being responsive and supportive of others. When faced with a conflict between a strongly-held value and serving another person's need, they are highly likely to value the other person's needs.

The ENFJ may feel quite lonely even when surrounded by people. This feeling of aloneness may be exacerbated by the tendency to not reveal their true selves.

People love ENFJs. They are fun to be with, and truly understand and love people. They are typically very straight-forward and honest. Usually ENFJs exude a lot of self-confidence, and have a great amount of ability to do many different things. They are generally bright, full of potential, energetic and fast-paced. They are usually good at anything which captures their interest.

ENFJs like for things to be well-organized, and will work hard at maintaining structure and resolving ambiguity. They have a tendency to be fussy, especially with their home environments.

In the work place, ENFJs do well in positions where they deal with people. They are naturals for the social committee. Their uncanny ability to understand people and say just what needs to be said to make them happy makes them naturals for counseling. They enjoy being the center of attention, and do very well in situations where they can inspire and lead others, such as teaching.

ENFJs do not like dealing with impersonal reasoning. They don't understand or appreciate its merit, and will be unhappy in situations where they're forced to deal with logic and facts without any connection to a human element. Living in the world of people possibilities, they enjoy their plans more than their achievements. They get excited about possibilities for the future, but may become easily bored and restless with the present.

ENFJs have a special gift with people, and are basically happy people when they can use that gift to help others. They get their best satisfaction from serving others. Their genuine interest in Humankind and their exceptional intuitive awareness of people makes them able to draw out even the most reserved individuals.

ENFJs have a strong need for close, intimate relationships, and will put forth a lot of effort in creating and maintaining these relationships. They're very loyal and trustworthy once involved in a relationship.

An ENFJ who has not developed their Feeling side may have difficulty making good decisions, and may rely heavily on other people in decision-making processes. If they have not developed their Intuition, they may not be able to see possibilities, and will judge things too quickly based on established value systems or social rules, without really understanding the current situation. An ENFJ who has not found their place in the world is likely to be extremely sensitive to criticism, and to have the tendency to worry excessively and feel guilty. They are also likely to be very manipulative and controlling with others.

In general, ENFJs are charming, warm, gracious, creative and diverse individuals with richly developed insights into what makes other people tick. This special ability to see growth potential in others combined with a genuine drive to help people makes the ENFJ a truly valued individual. As giving and caring as the ENFJ is, they need to remember to value their own needs as well as the needs of others.

Jungian functional preference ordering:
Dominant: Extroverted Feeling
Auxiliary: Introverted Intuition
Tertiary: Extroverted Sensing
Inferior: Introverted Thinking

The Land of Clones

2010-06-24T13:41:00.005+09:00

I bet some of you are wondering why I haven't posted anything in a while. Well, it isn't because I am lazy, it is because I haven't had much time lately and because I am currently residing in the land of clones. This place is hot, sometimes hitting as high as 125 degrees (luckily we haven't hit that yet, but soon we will), and in the attitude of my favorite apostle J. Golden Kimball, "If I had a home here and one in Hell, I would sell the one here and live in Hell." There is no color here to give any sense of individuality, or just to make the place look a little better. It is beige as far as the eye can see. All the clones walks around in either tan/grey camouflage or grey shirts with blue shorts. Almost every clone has an IPod strapped to their bicep (I assume to give them directions), sunglasses on their face and an over sized backpack on their back. Nobody talks to each other in passing. Not even a "hello" or a "good morning". They stare straight ahead and keep plugging along with only their end destination in mind. There are clones out and about 24 hours a day 7 days a week. Even at two in the morning it is as if there is a carnival (minus the carnival) and clones walking around everywhere. They have buildings for the clones to get in some recreation time with activities such as pool, or weight lifting, or even watching a movie, but for the most part these activities are done by individual clones, and rarely by a group of clones together. Remember, clones don't talk to one another unless it is necessary. Luckily for me I do get to engage in intelligent conversation with human beings in the real world via a small video screen (even though it usually doesn't work). Also to my good fortune, I have twelve hours a day, six days a week that I get to do my job and that helps pass the time away. Clones only eat scrambled eggs or omelets because that is almost the only thing offered at their dinning facilities which are at least 400 yards away from their living quarters. And apparently clones need that exercise because the restrooms are also a good 200 yards away. Oh, and I ate a cricket for $11 (just an FYI). I bet a lot of you are thinking, "man this guy is complaining a lot." This is just a glimpse into the living conditions here which are not the most favorable, but that is to be expected. I do realize why I am here and I know it isn't supposed to be fluffy pillows and bowls of ice cream all the time. I know that I am here to do my job and I am proud to do it for my country. I appreciate all of the lessons I am learning and the experiences I am having, but who really doesn't have anything to complain about when it comes to their job. I have even seen famous athletes that complain about some aspects of their job. So, hopefully the next two months go by as quickly as the last two. Here are some photos of my day:

Flying to the Land of Clones

Taking in the Scenery

Blending in

The Highlight of my day

At least the sun can still provide some color to break up the monotony

Adrenaline Junkie

2010-04-19T02:43:00.007+09:00

She is so crazy. Oh, and apparently she has her mother in a bubble. I don't know.

When is a Substitute Swear Word No Longer a Substitute?

2010-04-10T14:08:00.002+09:00

Keira is well past the age of learning new colorful words and trying them out on us. I would like to think we have done a good job at redirecting her choice of "angry" words into a more pleasant, non-offending direction. We have changed the word stupid to silly, and the word crap to crush, and the occasional "D-word" to darn. It has worked great and she is really good at correcting people no matter who they are. She has also gotten very good at using the substitute word. It is funny when she gets mad at me and says "Dad, you are silly!", because Tricia will turn to me when Keira can't hear and will say, "she just called you stupid." I am proud of Keira and how she understands that you shouldn't say bad words, but on one particular occasion I was more interested in where she learned to make the following statement (with the substitute or not). She walked into Allyson's room while I was changing her when Keira blurted out, "darn, it is colder than sugar in here!" At least she stayed true to not saying a curse word.

Cleaning Out My Closet

2010-03-06T10:36:00.004+09:00

This post is for my very patient and accepting parents. This is an apology and a coming clean post. I have decided I want to be more honest and I figured telling my parents all the things that really happened while I was growing up in their home was a good place to start. (That, and I hope the statute of limitations has expired on all of this.) Now Mom and Dad, if you want to keep believing that I am your perfect little angel and that I have never done anything wrong then quit reading now. I must warn you, what follows is not for the faint of heart. Lets begin.

Concerning Vehicles...

Do you remember the Ford Club Wagon 15-seater van and the time you asked me about the sunken in roof with the shoe marks? I told you that we had gotten up there to watch fireworks. Well that wasn't the real truth. The truth is, we were very fond of van surfing and we did it a lot. We even had angry neighbors come out and yell at us as we drove down their street with Jed surfing on top. Sometimes we would go to a big parking lot and I would put the van in drive and let it idle while I would climb out and surf with the guys. When this got boring (and because we were in a parking lot) we started getting into shopping carts and pushing each other around in them using the van to push (you could go faster that way). And that is the real way the Ford symbol on the front grill of the van was broken off. People didn't steal it while we were at the football game. Oh, and the sliding door didn't fall off because I hit a curb. We found a steep hill that had a lot of level apartment parking spaces and we discovered that if you drove close enough to the end of the spaces the van would bounce a lot and it was fun (until the vans sliding door track broke and the door fell off.) Speaking of bouncing, do you remember I told you again that I had hit a curb and that is what had caused my bent axle on the Toyota Corolla? Again, not true. Behind Inkleys in the parking lot on Holliday Blvd there is a big bump in the transition of parking lots. We could get up to about 50 mph, hit that thing, and get lots of air. Duke sat on the ground once (not under the car) and said that we could have easily cleared him. We measured from the divot in the ground from the engine to the edge of the jump and it was around 50 feet. I think the axle got bent the time we went over the jump with 6 people in the car. I guess that little old hatch back couldn't handle all of the weight. This one is just negligence, I didn't really put oil in that 3rd engine that seized even though I told you I had. I'm sure you knew that though. Also, that missing cover over the gear shift in the Datsun Station Wagon was removed on purpose so we could drop fire crackers and bottle rockets (and garbage) through to the outside of the car with out being detected. It would have been more noticeable if we had dropped all of that stuff out the window. Now the truck that had its engine catch on fire really was because of the A.C. wires. Not my fault.

Concerning nighttime activities...

You probably know that I snuck out at night a lot because I wasn't the sneakiest person in the world, but this is what we were doing. Most of the time I would sneak out my window and meet up with Auggie, Duke, and Oonie and walk to Macey's to get Monkey bars. Sometimes we would go toilet papering. In fact, I don't know if you remember the Jarvis's, but we toilet papered them 5 nights in a row (even on school nights). We would get the toilet paper from random public restrooms. Yes, I was a little bit of a thief, but more on that later. We ended up stopping the TPing because the son started sleeping out in their boat with a gun. Which reminds me, one night when I was trying to sneak back in, dad was out in the garage with the door wide open so I couldn't get in. Misty-dog came running across the street barking at me behind the bush and then to my good fortune, dad called her back, closed the garage door and went inside. The mysterious part is, that as soon as I shut my window, dad went back outside, re-opened the garage door, and resumed whatever he had been doing. Dad, did you do that just so I could get back in the house? If so, thanks. Do you remember the time I was supposed to be spending the night at my friend's house, but you opened the door at 2 in the morning to find me asleep on the doorstep? I tried to make it seem like I had slept walk home? Well we were supposed to be going to do something crazy, but no one was going to be able to make it, so that was my way of getting back in the house. (I never said I was the smartest kid.) On that one night that Jed and I slept in the Toyota Corolla we told you we had been at work at Godfather's that night when we got the flat tire so we slept there until we could call someone. We actually got the flat tire while we were driving around trying to steal a "Duck Crossing" street sign (Bryce-a-Roni said he would give us $50 dollars if we could get him one). We then drove to the Godfather's to sleep in the car and validate our story. Now, the thievery. I never stole anything that was in someone's home, or shoplifted, or anything like that...in fact, I can tell you everything I have ever stolen. I once stole a picture of two kids in karate outfits that looked like they had just hit their heads together. It was hanging in front of an entire Karate class who all saw me take it except for the instructor (we were there waiting for the country dance to start). I also stole a chair from the top floor of "The Bay" country dance club by taking it down to the second floor and then dropped it out the bathroom window. And, last but not least, that "Stop" sign that was in my room forever, the one that you kept telling me to take back, I told you we found it on the ground. We did find it, but we found it in a hospital parking lot.

Concerning house destruction...

I think I already told you most of this, but just in case...One time little Steven S. and I thought it would be fun to see what a hacky sack would look like on fire. So, we got a cup of gasoline (from the lawn mower gas can), pored it onto the hacky, and lit it. Our first problem was we did this on the front porch, and the second problem was we had a full cup of gasoline which of course caught on fire too. I panicked, and in an attempt to put it out, I tipped the cup over which of course spread the fire. I then proceeded to try and stomp the fire out with my foot. Once again, big mistake. As I stomped, my foot got gasoline on it and started my shoe on fire. Now the house and my shoe was on fire and I have to say I became more concerned for my foot. So in order to put the fire out on my foot, I start to kick the fence, which of course spread the fire to the fence. Luckily for everyone, there was actually no damage to the house on this occasion despite the flames reaching as high as the second story roof before we got the house out and smothered it. I decided I should spend more time indoors and the best thing to do indoors is to watch T.V., and I wanted to do it in my room. But how? Once I figured out how to hook up an old VCR to my computer, I needed to get cable. So, I drilled a whole through my ceiling and your floor, bought a cable divider, and voila, I had cable. Before that I had to revert to more primitive methods. Mom, do you remember that big hole in the wall that I told you was my wall safe? Well, it was that too, but it was also where I watched T.V. in the living room after I had already gone to bed. You see, on the other side of that wall void I poked a hole and then put some Spackle on the head of a nail so when I wasn't watching T.V. I could put the nail back and you wouldn't be able to see the hole. The hole on my side of the wall did keep getting bigger because I couldn't get the edges straight, but also so more of my head could fit into the hole, getting my eye closer to the peep hole. Anyway, all of the other holes were just from me and my friends punching the wall. I am really sorry about that.

Concerning my personal health...

Speaking of punching walls, I broke my hand twice (that you know about) punching walls at the church during basketball games. I actually did break my hand a third time (that you didn't know about) two days after getting my soft cast off. But I didn't want to get the metal plate in my hand that the doctor said I would need if I broke it again. So, I knelt on my hand to set it and place the cast I already had back on. That is why I ended up wearing that one so long. And dad, the cut in my leg that I stitched up by myself happened on one of those nights I had snuck out. Big Bob S. was chasing me for some reason and I slipped under a parked car. Something under the car cut me. There isn't as many instances of me getting hurt as there really should be. I used to jump off of the bay window over hang, over the rose bushes and the sidewalk to land on the grass, but I never broke a leg or anything. But if I ever did get hurt, you could rest assured (or unassured) that Jed was right there to stitch me up.

Wow, it feels really good to have that off my chest finally. I have been carrying around that guilt with me for a long time, some of it as much as 15 years. I really hope this doesn't change your image of my sweet and innocent nature. I look at it as if I was only doing research on the many different ways that my children might try to get away with some stuff and hopefully now I have a little bit of a head start. I am sure there are many more things I have done or lied about that I can't think of now, and I want to apologize for those as well. You two are really the best parents I could have ever had. I love you guys. (Oh, and after tallying all of this up, I figure I owe you around $28,536.47. Someday I will pay you back, I promise)

"I don't mean to bug ya......o.k. Edge, play the blues!"

2010-03-03T23:22:00.005+09:00

So, I saw this news story about a new technology called "Skinput", and I thought it was pretty dang cool. Think of the possibilities (as long as you don't bruise easy). My wife doesn't get why it is cool because she is trying to think of what it would be used for in a practical sense. It is cool because you can tap on your arm and make the picture change. What can be cooler than that?

Now, as I watched this it reminded me of those Radio Frequency Identification Devices (RFID) that VeriChip came out with a while back. And I started thinking, "hey what if those could be put together somehow to make something really cool?" But, as I thought of this my mind went off on to a different subject, the Bible and the "Signs of the Times". I don't think this is the "mark of the beast" mentioned in Revelations:

"Revelation 13: 16-18
And he causeth all, both small and great, rich and poor, free and bond, to receive a mark in their right hand, or in their foreheads:
And that no man might buy or sell, save he that had the mark, or the name of the beast, or the number of his name.
Here is wisdom. Let him that hath understanding count the number of the beast: for it is the number of a man; and his number is Six hundred threescore and six."

But, I did start pondering some of the other signs like wars and natural disasters (especially since we had a 7.0 earthquake here the same time they had the big one in Chile. Not to mention the ones in Haiti and Argentina earlier this year too. Coincidence? I think those places are fairly diverse.):

"St. Matthew 24:6-8
And ye shall hear of wars and rumours of wars: see that ye be not troubled: for all these things must come to pass, but the end is not yet.
For nation shall rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom: and there shall be famines, and pestilences, and earthquakes, in divers places.
All these are the beginning of sorrows."

Ok, so I didn't ponder a lot more signs because it is late right now. Although I didn't research anymore signs, I do know there are so many other "Signs of the Times" type prophecies being filled right now that it makes me say, "hhhmmmm". I'm not posting this to be a preacher type because if you know me I am sure you also know that I am far from being a biblical scholar. I just think this stuff is kind of interesting. Hey, if you have any signs of the times that you think are being filled right now, let me know.

On a side note, I did discover in Leviticus that my baldness has a direct correlation to my cleanliness.

"Leviticus 13:40-41
And the man whose hair is fallen off his head, he is bald; yet is he clean.
And he that hath his hair fallen off from the part of his head toward his face, he is forehead bald; yet is he clean."

Take that all you full-head-of-hair-dirty-people.

Queen of Mean

2010-02-16T19:45:00.004+09:00

So, the hits keep coming. If you have read my previous posts then you know that I am always being bullied by my 4-year-old daughter. It started with, what I thought was, a real belief that I was a girl, but as I tried to correct her I learned she was just messing with me. I am proud of the fact that not many people can get one over on me when it comes to comebacks. My sister Angie was really the first one in my family to be able to leave me speechless with my mouth wide open with one of her witty retorts. Tricia is successful on occasion (which is becoming more frequent as well). Maybe during all that time Keira spent with her aunt "Gi-Gi" while I was in tech school she was picking up lessons in the art of insults. She is quick-like-cat with her remarks. Most of the time you don't even see them coming. For instance, the other day she and I were playing catch. Every time she caught the ball I would congratulate her by saying "good catch!" She caught on quickly and would return the compliment every time I made a catch. After awhile she tossed one to me that bounced out of my hand and on to the floor, but she still expressed her acceptance with a "good catch!" I started to think maybe she didn't understand what the "good catch" was really for so I corrected her by saying, "I didn't catch it though." Without missing a beat (almost like she new what I was going to say) she exclaimed, "I know. I was talking to the ground, cha." ("cha" is her new word. I think it replaces "da") I have to say, that stung a bit. Luckily for me, I know what makes her mad. Ever since she got the ouwie on her forehead, she hates it when I call her Harry Potter (I know it is very juvenile, but it's all I've got on her).
Now, I can't finish this post with you all thinking that she is a mean little girl. I know that she just likes to pick on her daddy (and it might have a tiny bit to do with the fact that I pick on her every once in awhile too). To her mother, sister, friends, dog, and pretty much anyone that is not me, she is the sweetest little angel. She is very sweet to me too, but all of the stuff she does to ridicule me is much more fun to write about. I love you Keira!

A Whole New World

2010-01-16T22:03:00.006+09:00

I need to say Congratulations to Kristen for winning the Baby Pool. Here is your prize. I also need to put in my disclaimer that this isn't the best quality because I wasn't ready and the sun was in my eyes. Oh, and the camera adds 30 pounds. I want to thank my daughter Keira for doing my makeup and operating the camera. She did a wonderful job. So, with no further ado...enjoy the show.

If for some reason you can't view it above, try going to the source and click here-> A Whole New World

The Visitors

2009-12-24T10:49:00.010+09:00

We have had a lot of visitors lately and we have enjoyed their company. We wish that everyone could have made it over here to visit, but we still had fun with those that did. Here are some of the things that we did. We saw some castle ruins: We had Thanksgiving: We went to the beach:We went to the Aquarium:

We ate out a lot:

We saw some little cars:We had our knewest little visitor:

And we had a baby blessing:

We had a lot of fun and want to thank everyone who could make it for making the trip. Don't worry Mike and Kristen, I should have some time now to practice my song. It is hard to find an understudy on such short notice.

More Pictures of Baby Allyson

2009-11-23T22:21:00.006+09:00

Look at all that Goop on her.
They took all of the Goop off, just to put more Goop in her eyes.
Allyson loved her first bath...Ok, no she didn't, at least not until they washed her head.
Warming up in her sun bed.
Wrapped up like a little garden gnome.
Keira meeting her baby sister for the first time. Boy was she excited.
Allyson meeting Grandma Berensen for the first time.
Daddy wondering, "Great, now what?"
Just hanging out waiting to go home.
Everybody at home finally.
The flowers that some of my co-workers got Tricia. Yes, I got her some too, their's were just prettier. (They had more people to chip in.)

Baby 2 - The Sequel Starring Allyson

2009-11-20T09:28:00.003+09:00

Allyson was born after an extremely long 5 minutes of pushing at 3:45 am. She weighed in at 8 lbs even, and is 21 inches long. It is the 20th over here in Okinawa, so congratulations go to Kristen for winning the tie breaker. Kylie was the runner up. It looks like I will be putting my voice talents on display by singing "A Whole New World". Stay tuned. Until then, enjoy the very first photos of Allyson Christine Atkinson.

We're Off to See the Wizard...(of babies)

2009-11-19T07:21:00.001+09:00

Bend, Don't Break

2009-11-11T09:47:00.005+09:00

I AM OLD! (No offense to those of you who are older than me.) I thought that when you got older you would just gradually get less and less able to play sports. Apparently, you actually just wake up one morning and your athletic career is over. Here I am playing some football just 5 months ago. I am number 51 on the black team (the guy getting pulled to the ground at the end).

Shortly after this game I hyper-extended my left knee and the doctors put me on a 30 day physical training waiver (meaning I couldn't do anything to aggravate it for 30 days). When I was finally completely back to 100% I decided that maybe I was too old to be playing football. I mean I am no Brett Favre and going to play well into my 80's. And besides, Favre does this for a living so he is always keeping in shape and has an army of trainers and physical therapists that keep his parts working. As for me, my joints hate me and have decided to go on strike. Like I said, I decided that "tackle" football was too much for my old body so I jumped onto a flag football team. In our second game I hyper-extended my right knee. Son-of-a... I can't believe this! I went to the doctor and again they wanted to put me on another 30 day waiver but this time I was smart. I told him that I didn't want one (I didn't want to admit that my body couldn't keep up). So, I can't run, but I can still stand on the offensive line and push people around. Maybe I will post a video of that later. I guess what I am really trying to say is my body has finally started to take its payback on me for all of those years jumping off of 2 story houses and playing tackle football without pads, and for not working out like I should. My knees have taken the ball and gone home because they don't want to play anymore. I have started to look into knee replacements or getting myself a Robo-Knee, but until then I guess I will just be hanging out on the side lines or hobbling around on the field. Unless, I pick up another sport like golf, ping pong, or Foosball. I don't think even I could injure myself playing any of those. On a side note, my good buddy Jed did that P90X and he turned out o.k. so maybe I will try that. I will keep you posted on the results.

Sleep Blogging

2009-10-24T23:21:00.004+09:00

I have titled this one "Sleep Blogging" because it is midnight right now and I am very very tired. My wife and I just got finished watching "Transformers 2", and I must say I wasn't as impressed as I thought I would be. I probably over-hyped it. Needless to say, it was no "Tristan and Isolde" (Best Movie Ever). "Sleep Blogging" is the worst form of blogging ever because there is no limit to the crazy things you might say. You might as well be "drunk blogging" which I am sure is comparable, but I wouldn't know first hand. Most inhibitions have flown the coop so anything I say is fair game. Luckily it is my blog so I can delete it first thing in the morning. So, to you lucky few who have the chance to read this before I delete it, enjoy. Speaking of "Sleep Blogging", my daughter Keira is a sleep walker. We will be watching a movie or something and Keira will have been asleep for awhile and suddenly she will come running in to the room. When we ask what she is doing she will reply with something as innocent and un-revealing as "Oh, I just wanted to hang out with you guys." to something that cues you in right away that she is still asleep like "Why was the pink doggy eating pizza in the bathroom." No matter what she says, our very next question is "do you need to go potty?" to which she always reply "no". So right away we pick her up and put her on the toilet anyway. We have learned the hard way that we can't tell her what to do. For example, one night (OK, most nights) Tricia was the one that was up with Keira. When Tricia told Keira to turn around so she could help her with her pants, Keira proceeded to turn around and around and around. Another time, she actually told me she did have to go to the bathroom, so I said, "Well go then." She then stared at me without saying anything for at least 30 seconds before I realized that she was doing just as I had told her. I was smarter the next time she told me she had to go to the bathroom though. I told her very specifically to go into the bathroom and go potty. She came back, from the bathroom, crying because her pajama pants were now wet. So, we now just take her in and set her on the toilet. No confusion there, and if there is, it is still a lot less messy.

I forgot to tell you why I am so tired. We had exercises last week. Which means we had to work 12 hour shifts all week. and the last three to four days we had to wear full chemical gear most of the time. This consists of a nice heavy jacket with snow pants, rubber boots to go over our regular boots, cotton gloves under some rubber gloves, a gas mask (which is nice around some of the less bowl-self-conscious co-workers), a helmet, and last but not least a 50 pound flack vest (so we don't catch any flack. Tee hee.) Not to mention we are now running around outside with big back packs on and when we are inside we are trying to continue our work. We still have fun with it as you can see below.

Oh, dad, we got the birthday card for Keira. She loved it. The cartoon on the front is one she watches quite a bit. When she saw it she did her little excited giggle where she goes really high pitched and almost starts hyperventilating as she scrunches her head down into her shoulders and covers her mouth with her hands. It's really cute, but how I just described it makes it sound like we should rush her to the ER every time it happens. She loves her "Spider Webs" (that is what she calls that show). I did have a question though. You have always been a jokester or goofy with a slapstick sense of humor, and I think that is the way to do it, because it lets you explain your way out of some situations. On the card you spelled we "Wee". And, Tricia pointed out, "With your dad it is hard to tell if he meant to do that to be funny or if he is just getting old" Ok, she didn't say "just getting old" I added that. She ended with "...if he just got carried away with his E's". But it got me thinking, I am in a good place because I am always making the dumbest jokes about the dumbest things. So much so, that when I do go senile people won't even make a second thought about it. I am not trying to say that I think you are senile dad. I am just saying that if, and when, you do get there you have a great cover. Speaking of senile people, I had a great aunt we called "Aunt Evelyn" and she was a very humorous lady. I specifically remember one Christmas morning when we were opening presents, we were all going around in a circle taking turns opening one present at a time. By this time in her life, Alzheimer's had set in quite deep to my Aunt Evelyn, so much so, that we had to hide her old car that I was now driving whenever she came over so she wouldn't get upset when we would explain to her that it wasn't her car anymore and that she couldn't drive anyway. Anyway, on this Christmas day, she ran out of presents before everyone else. When she had unwrapped one of her presents she was careful not to break the paper and after she would unwrap the present she re-folded the paper around it and set it back down at her feet. The next time the turn came to her she picked up the present she had already unwrapped, not remembering she had unwrapped it, and unwrapped it again. This continued for at least 4 more of her turns and every single time was like the very first time she had received that gift. We joked about how cheap she would be to shop for the next Christmas. We would buy her one gift and have someone sit behind her re-wrapping it every time for her next turn.

Alrighty then, see what I mean about "Sleep Blogging"? It is now midnight-thirty and I have rambled on so long that I doubt anyone will read this post just because of it's length. I mean honestly, who in this day and age has enough time to sit down and read a post about nothing for a good 5 - 10 minutes out of their day? And if they do I am sure they will be sorely disappointed that they are no better than they were before they started reading this. For those of you who are disappointed I just want to tell you that "People like you and you like people. You are a people person, and gosh darnit that's O.K.!" Thank you, and good night.

I just re-read this and there are a lot, and I mean A LOT, of run on sentences. But, I am too tired to fix them so I hope you got the gist.

Botanicle Gardens (Fun With Sepia)

2009-10-12T20:57:00.013+09:00

Now Her Friends Are In On It

2009-09-24T11:27:00.003+09:00

So the other day we were at a church social, and Keira was playing with her new best friend McCall. One of the ladies was walking around passing out little toys to the kids. Keira chose a rubber baseball and McCall chose a Feather Boa to wrap around her neck. Well, I was playing catch with Keira and McCall wanted to join in so she walked over and asked me to hold her feather boa. Of course I said yes, and not thinking I tossed it over my shoulder to keep playing. At this Keira exclaimed, "see my daddy is a girl."

Before I had a chance to stick up for myself, McCall stepped in and said, "No he isn't. He is a boy."

I told Keira, "see, I am a boy. McCall knows."

To which McCall replied, "But we can teach him how to be a girl." as she adjusted my feather boa around my neck.

I can't win, so maybe I will use this to my advantage. When ever she brings a new boy home I will definitely answer the door dressed in drag. Then we will see how long those boys will stick around.

Keira the Mermaid

2009-08-23T18:19:00.005+09:00

Someday I Might Be Girl

2009-08-11T20:52:00.008+09:00

I am starting to get worried about all of the curses, comments, and hints that my daughter keeps leaving me. I don't think that a day goes by that Keira doesn't make some sort of comment about me being a girl. Maybe she is just excited to have a baby sister. Today on the way home from the swimming pool my daughter started calling me a little girl out of nowhere. I wasn't in the mood so I told her to quit calling me a girl. When she wouldn't quit, I regret to admit, I got very upset and raised my voice to tell her to stop. I told her, "I am not playing here!"

To which she replied in here cutest mocking voice, "you're not?"

I answered her question, "No, I am very serious!"

Again, with her cute mocking style, she said, "you are?"

This time I yelled, "yes!"

At this she said, "fine!" and she put her head down and folded her arms.

I assumed she was sulking until I heard, "Dear Heavenly Father..."

I thought, "dang it, she is such a good girl to think to pray when she felt this way." And I was impressed, so I turned down the radio so I could feel the spirit of her sweet, humble prayer.

She continued, "Thank you for mommies sickness (get better). Thank you we could go swimming. Thank you we go home and eat."

It was amazing. I could feel the spirit so strong until she said, "Thank you that daddy is a little girl. Name of Jesus Christ, Amen."

What could I do in that situation? I bit my tongue, said amen, thanked her for the prayer, and turned my music back up.

Beat Boxin'

2009-08-07T20:13:00.004+09:00

The Mother's Curse is Complete

2009-07-31T20:08:00.006+09:00

When I was growing up my mother gave me the "Mother's Curse" many times. Whenever I would do anything embarrassing or get in trouble she would reply with, "I hope you have a child just like you someday. I am here to tell you that my mother's curse has come back on me one hundred times full. Let me explain. One day when I was a youngster I was laying on the bottom part of the shopping cart as my mom pushed the cart up and down the aisles. When we turned down one of the aisles a very rotund lady turned down the same aisle from the opposite end. The whole time my mom was praying that I would not notice this enormous lady. Well, by the time she reached the other end of the aisle I hadn't said anything and she thought she was in the clear until I blurted out at the top of my lungs, "holy cow mom, did you see how fat that lady was?" My mother hurried around the corner, but there was no doubt that the poor lady heard my observation.

Keira has a special knack for these similar outbursts of very embarrassing statements of the obvious. For example, the other day we were walking into the hospital and following a lady with the most unfortunate hairstyle. I can't describe it very well, but the picture below is close to the style of cut this lady had. Keep in mind that this lady was a little larger, the long hair on top was a little longer and bleached white, the short hair on the bottom in the back was a little shorter and dyed bright red, and her hair was obviously naturally curly. It definitely was not professionally done like the lady's hairdo above. In fact, it looked like she had cut and dyed it herself. Anyway, before we had a chance to cover Keira's mouth, and as loud as she could, she exclaimed, "Mom, that lady's hair looks like a Coo Coo." What do you say to that? "I'm sorry your hair is ugly?" As quiet as we could we tried to explain to her that this was not polite, but the damage was already done. Mostly we just tried to play it off like she wasn't talking about that lady.

Well, today was another great experience like this. We were at the BX and I was pushing the cart while Keira was sitting in the front of it facing me. We were going towards Tricia who was in the clothing section when out of nowhere a midg...excuse me...a vertically challenged lady crossed the aisle right in front of us. Of course just as I am thinking to myself, "good Keira was facing the opposite way." She blurts out (again at the top of her lungs), "Wow, did you see how little that lady was?" Trying to escape quickly I turned sharply without looking (because I panicked) and ran right into a clothing rack.

Mom, I am soooooo sincerely sorry for every time I made you walk away from me claiming not to know me. Is there anyway to reverse this curse? Any remedies that any of you have to reverse this curse would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

Poems? We Don't Need No Stinkin' Poems!

2009-07-31T00:11:00.004+09:00

I found this poem that I had written back in the days when I was a single man and it showed me how truly lame I was in those days. Just to take me off of that pedestal that you all have placed me on, I will share this poem so that I won't have the pressures of your expectations upon me anymore. This poem depicts my difficulties with dating.

I see her standing there,

but I do not know her name

I wonder if she sees me

and likes to play that game

Should I go and talk to her,

or should I stay right here

I think I just might do it

if I could over come my fear

I fear I'll get rejected,

It happens all the time

I should be getting used to it

I can never call them mine

They always think I'm weird

They always think I'm strange

They always think I'm Stupid

I think I better change

But wait, what is this

Is she looking over here

I know I must be dreaming

I wonder how I appear

Wow, look at that smile

It's only lips and teeth

But now the only difference is

It's smiling right at me

I say, "Hi, my name is Eric"

And the conversation has begun

Until she says, "My name is Jenny..."

...And your fly's undone."

I hope you now realize just how lucky I am to have a wife, let alone such an amazing wife. Finding this poem made me wonder if I could still write poems, so if you have any subjects that you would like to hear about in a poem, leave me a comment or an email at eric.atkinson@yahoo.com and I will see what kind of poem I can squeeze out for you.

Random Picture Day...Again

2009-07-30T23:05:00.008+09:00

Economics and our Government

2009-07-30T22:14:00.005+09:00

It is time that I answered a couple of questions that my dear, sweet brother-in-law Mike has asked. (he gets really sad if he thinks you have been ignoring him) I do have to admit that Mike is very smart when it comes to politics, and when I say "smart" it is all relative, because I only have one oar in the water when it comes to politics. I don't even know which one is the elephant and which one is the ass. (o.k., I know which one is the ass, but I don't know which one is the donkey) What I am trying to say is, I let these questions go by for some time so I could kind of see which way these issues would move before I made a decision on how I wanted to answer them. Which reminds me, ***DISCLAIMER: DO NOT BASE ANY OF YOUR VOTING DECISIONS ON THIS OR ANY OTHER POSTS OF MINE. YOU WILL SURELY BE WRONG.***

Mikes first question is:

1. Ok, who is a better presidential candidate, Mickey Mouse, Barrack Obama, John McCain, or Bugs Bunny?

Answer: First of all, I definitely think that Barrack Obama will win this election, and that he will be our new president. That being said, I do not believe that he is the best candidate. I really wish that Mike had included Ross Perot as one of my choices because I could look at that guy all day and just laugh. I think that is important in a president. Maybe that is why I liked George Bush so much. I believe that Mickey Mouse would be the best presidential candidate for this election and let me tell you why. Bugs Bunny is just mean. He is too smart for his own good and he knows it. He is very cocky about it too. I think a president should be confident, but they shouldn't boast about it, and it seems that Bugs Bunny likes to mock those that are not up to his level. How he just sits there and smugly chews his carrot before asking the presumptuous question, "What's up doc?" What if the person said they weren't a doctor? Would he continue to talk to them? Mickey on the other hand shows great compassion for others. He gives his enemy chances over and over again. I mean honestly, how many chances has Pete had to become Mickey's friend. Mickey also doesn't come across as a stuck-up, hoity-toity type either, even though he is one of the richest creatures in the universe. I am also sure that he is a great listener, I mean, look at those ears. Bugs has big ears too, but his are skinny and don't do so good for the acoustics. John McCain would be my second choice. He was a prisoner of war. He knows all about war, and since he knows about it and because Bush has put us in the middle of it, McCain would be the best man to take us through it, and might even be better at getting us out of it. Obama on the other hand wants to be a Super Star. He is the most gimmicky president (presidential candidate I mean) that I can remember. He is always pulling little stunts to get himself into the media it seems. Using his position to get front row seats at a basketball game. Do you think he could have done that if he wasn't the president? Ok, I guess a lot of money could get him up there too. I really haven't delved too deeply into any of these candidates as I am sure you can tell. I do think Obama-Mama is doing a pretty good job. I have to say that because this year will be the biggest raise for me and he is the one that helps approve that.

Mike's second question (and I know even less about this) is:

2. Hey, its your political bro-in-law. I'm being political because I have been looking into and researching this economic mess. A lot of this does not make sense to me. I just think the government is being too complicated over things! Also, I'm waiting to see if fighting fire with fire with this bail out works. So lets talk economics and our government! So do you think all this stimulus and toxic asset money is going to pull our economy out of the recession? Should the government even get involve in the market by pumping money into it?

Answer: I want to say that stimulus is a good thing, although you can over stimulus yourself, and when there is too much stimulus for babies, for example, they can get cranky. Toxic asset money sounds really bad. I learned a long time ago to stay away from anything toxic and that if you do accidentally come into contact with or ingest anything toxic you should call the poison control hot line ASAP. After all of this stimulus I don't think the economy will make the turn that the government is hoping for. I think that people worried about the economy enough that any stimulus money they receive will either go into savings, or to pay off debt. I don't think that a lot of it will be invested into the market, or that people will spend it willy-nilly in the retail world. I think the crisis has scared people and opened their eyes to the future, so they want to make that future as comfortable as they can. I know that my stimulus went to debt and savings. I think that the government should get involved. They are in charge of making money so why don't they print a whole bunch of it and get all of the national debt taken care of all at once. It is like when I found out that bill collectors would take checks. I can write checks all day, so every one was payed off within a week of me learning that they accepted checks. Some may argue that if we print out a whole lot of money uncontrolled that our dollar will be worthless in other countries. Well, I have news for you, I live in Okinawa Japan and I can tell you that aside from the military base, the dollar already is worthless over here. They don't even accept the dollar. They only take yen. And, printing as much money as we need to eliminate the national debt would kill two birds with one stone. Everyone talks about how we should buy American, so if our dollar is worthless in other countries, we would have more incentive to purchase things in America. In the end, I believe that the true Law of Consecration (not the communist version) is the only way to go to keep us from all of these financial crisis's. I don't know if this really answered your question Mike, but I hope it helps.

Thank you for the questions, but I need more so feel free to ask to your hearts content. You can leave it as a comment on any of my posts, or you can email it to me at eric.atkinson@yahoo.com. Good night everyone.

It Does Make Your Butt Feel Better!

2009-07-30T21:32:00.002+09:00

Tonight we went swimming because Keira is starting her first swimming lessons on Monday. We thought we would give her a few pointers before her class. Anyway, swimming was more or less routine, nothing really out of the ordinary in the entire ordeal. Although, she did do many more belly flops than usual and she was able to get rings at the bottom of the pool this time. She is already such a good little swimmer, but she is very scary too because she isn't afraid of the water. We have to keep an eye on her at all times. For example, (sorry to go off on a little tangent here, but it is funny) yesterday when we were swimming she got out of the pool to go potty. we decided we would sit in the water at the edge of the pool and wait for her to return. When she came back we started calling to her to come jump in where we were. Instead she went straight for the water, and her path just so happened to lead her right under the life guard seat. I could tell that she wasn't going to come to where we were and that she had every intention to do it buy herself just by the mischievous grin she had on her face. And that is exactly what she did. The bad thing was that we were a good 30 to 40 feet away from her. So, needless to say I started walking/swimming as quick as I could to get to her all the while reassuring the life guard that she didn't need help. He looked very concerned and kept on standing up like he was about to jump in to get her. I can understand his worry because of the way Keira likes to swim. She can kick and move her self forward until she comes up for air, then her feet get under her, and all her kicking does is keep her afloat. Well, she keeps trying to swim so she will go back under the water and thrash around. When she gets board with all the kicking and not going anywhere she will just stop and float there. She will raise her arms over her head and sink slowly to the bottom (just like you would imagine a person who has just passed out would do). Then she will eventually pop up when she needs air and then sink again. Anyway, she had done her passed-out-drowning person about 3 times by the time I got there, and each one of those is what got the life guard on edge. When I pulled her out of the water she was laughing hysterically, and the 16-year-old life guard let out a laugh as well, (although his seemed more as a laugh of release). Needless to say, Keira got a good time out for her efforts.

Anyway, sorry again about that tangent, but it was funny right? Tonight, after swimming and while we were getting ready to leave, Keira slipped and fell right on her "bummo". She began crying very loudly. When I picked her up she said, "I fell down and hurt my butt." I handed her over to her mother, because Tricia is just better at comforting because I usually will crack jokes until the pain is gone. Well, on the way to the car, Keira told her mommy through her big crocodile tears and in the saddest voice she could muster, "mommy, I am hungry. I want Taco Bell because Taco Bell will make my butt feel better." So, we went to Taco Bell. (Rereading this I think that the first story was better, although, I can attest to the fact that Taco Bell has made my butt feel better. I am sure that could change by tomorrow though.)

Making Up for Lost Time

2009-07-03T23:29:00.003+09:00

Before tonight, I hadn't blogged in awhile because of school and overtime at work, but right now I have a four day weekend. So, I thought I would catch up on my blogging (that is why this is my fourth one tonight.) I just realized that I hadn't shared with you a very funny story that happened not to long ago. It is a fairly embarrassing story for me, but I feel that I would not be doing my 5 readers justice by just sweeping this one under the rug.

We had gone to a bonfire at Torri beach for a going away type party for some of the people from our church that were moving on. I wasn't sure where the fire pit was, so we parked in our usually parking lot. As luck would have it, the pit was quite a hike from where our car now was, but we hiked it anyway. While at this party I felt the sudden need to "shake the dew off the Lilly" and, of course, the restrooms were located in the same parking lot as our van. I walked the long walk back to the bathroom where I did what I had gone there to do, and afterwards I decided that I wasn't going to walk back. I would get our van and drive it back to the closer parking lot.

"That is a great idea!" I thought to myself.

So, I walked to our van, which was now the only car in the entire parking lot. I stuck my key into the driver side door, but when I went to turn it, it wouldn't turn. In my tired state, I thought to myself, "silly me, I must have left the doors unlocked and why would the key turn if the doors were already unlocked?" So, I grabbed the handle and opened the door. Of course, it opened, because I had left unlocked, but imagine my surprise when I found a man listening to music just staring at me. Needless to say I was very startled and screamed in a high pitch girl voice right at this nice man, and slammed the door shut. I quickly turned around and walked away. It turns out that this van was not the only one in the parking lot, our identical van was in the dark corner of the parking lot. Luckily for me the guy didn't punch me or anything. I wonder if my scream scared him as much as his presence scared me. I didn't bother trying to explain myself, because what do you say to a man that has just heard your very best imitation of a castrati from the luxury of his own car? Which brings me to another point what kind of person upon witnessing someone trying to get into their car doesn't give that person some sort of clue that the car is occupied? I mean, he didn't even give me as much as a tap on the window to save me from complete humiliation. In fact, I think he probably leaned back a little just to make sure I didn't see him, and then laughed all the way home to blog about the moron that tried to get in the car with him. Anyway, I am done blogging for tonight. I don't know when I will be back, but until then, "good morning, good afternoon, and good night."

Yup, We Did it Again.

2009-07-03T22:57:00.004+09:00

We got another animal to support. Here is our train of thought that we used to justify this new addition to our family. Do you remember Ozzie? Well, he ran away. Alright, he didn't run away, but I wish he would. All of those beatings that Keira continuously threatened him with must have finally pushed him over the edge. He is still a good cat, but he loves to play, and he usually is playing with a pitbull. So naturally he has learned to play rough. When he plays with Keira she ends up with numerous scratches and bites all over her. At her doctor appointment the doc was very concerned that it was a cat giving her these marks and we are kind of annoyed with it too. So we have decided to reverse sell the cat. (By reverse sell I mean that we have to pay someone to take him.) We are concerned about him scratching Keira, and even more concerned of how he might play with the new baby. Obviously Keira took the news very hard so to help ease her pain I promised her that sometime after the baby was born we would get her a little doggy of her own. One that is small enough that she can cuddle with it and not so small that it is too fragile. Well of course Tricia started researching right away (she is a sucker for dogs) and I figured I better have a say in the type of dog too if I have to live with it. We came to the conclusion that a Japanese Shiba Inu would be the perfect dog. They don't bark a lot, are very friendly, and the perfect size. So, sometime after the baby is born we were going to get a new dog. One thing you need to know about Tricia is, she knows how to use her eyes. She can make me melt, laugh, run and hide all with just the look of her eyes. Unfortunately she can also make me get a dog long before I had planned on getting another dog. I came home for lunch and she had found that somebody was giving away a Shiba Inu for free. (It turns out the person giving the dog away was also a friend of mine from tech school) Tricia gave me those puppy dog eyes with her head cocked to one side and said please in her most child like voice. What could I do? So, here she is. Introducing Sun.

Sun

Sun and Naoki already get along very well. I know what it looks like, but I promise you, they are just playing (don't go calling any animal rights activists on us.) I thought this was a funny picture.

See they really do get along.

Keira already loves her new doggy.

Welcome home Sun and thank you Megan, Sun is a great dog.

Contest Rules and Prizes

2009-07-03T22:06:00.006+09:00

I have decided that it is about time to propose a competition to you, my adoring readers.

The Game:

This is a simple baby pool for our next child.

The Prize:

The winner will get to watch me sing a song of their choice here on my blog. I will video tape myself singing whichever song the winner decides and post it.

The Rules:

You must leave a comment to this post with the Day you believe the baby will be born. Also, if you guess a weight and/or length, these will be used as tie breakers. You also need to include the song you would like me to sing and the artist that sings it. If you don't have a blog, you may post as anonymous, but you must tell me who you are. If you wish to remain anonymous you may email your answers to eric.atkinson@yahoo.com. I must know who you are in order for you to win. (I assume that if you are reading this you probably know me, and if you know me, then there is a good chance that I know you.)

Some Helpful Tidbits:

Tricia is due on November 25th.

Keira was due on the 28th but was born on the 18th.

Tricia wouldn't let me post a picture of her belly, so below is a picture of mine. Her belly is almost this big (and her arms are a lot less hairy.)

I wish you all the best of luck!

From Ocean to Tummy

2009-07-03T21:04:00.007+09:00

So, I went snorkeling/spear fishing for the first time today. It was a lot of fun except that I ended up throwing up three times (I get sea sick really bad). I saw many fish that I would have loved to catch and cook up for dinner, but unfortunately I wasn't very skilled in the art of stabbing fast moving objects. Luckily I found a very slow moving animal crawling around on the coral, and because I decided I didn't want to go back to shore as the only loser that didn't catch anything, I stabbed it. Well, after I got a black smoke screen I decided that maybe I shouldn't have done that. I have to tell you that I am a firm believer in only killing what you are willing to eat, so I took it home and cooked it up. Oh, I haven't mentioned it yet, it was an octopus. I have had octopus before and it was always very chewy, and not necessarily my cup-o-tea, but I stand by my motto, "Do it for the stories!" So, below is the photographed journey, "From Ocean to Tummy". Enjoy.

The Victory Pose.

I feel like I got jipped. This guy is one leg shy. I should have gotten a discount for that right?

Oh, and he inked me. The nerve.

I showed him. Simmering it is supposed to make the meat tender instead of all chewy.

Keira wanted to help. I was surprised she even touched them.

Grilling it up!

The Finished Product

Not too bad.

Even Keira liked it. Ok, she didn't. In fact, right as I took this picture that piece fell to the floor and Keira began a long series of sincere gagging reflexes. It was quite amusing.

Finished

I have to admit, the recipe I chose was a Greek one, and it wasn't that great. It was more of a sour flavor, and I think maybe a savory or salty flavor would have been much better. However, the octopus itself was great. I didn't know that octopus was supposed to be tender. I guess that simmering worked after all. On a side note, the smell and sight of this octopus caused Tricia to revisit her morning sickness, and has exiled her to the upstairs bedrooms. She really can't handle the smell because of her pregnancy induced super nose. Sorry babe. I did all my dishes.

Extra! Extra! Read All About It!

2009-05-22T22:38:00.003+09:00

I forgot to blog about this back when it happened, so I will blog about it now. About a month ago, Tricia was eating gummy bears when she accidentally swallowed one whole. She then became ill. Concerned that the swallowed gummy bear was causing her sickness we decided to go to the hospital. While there the doctor agreed that it definitely could be the swallowed gummy bear that was making her ill, so the doc took a picture of the inside of Tricia's stomach. Sure enough there was a gummy bear in there as you can see from the picture below.
There are 186 days before this gummy bear will be cleansed from her system (that is what the doc said). I don't know what gummy bears are made out of, but they take a very long time to digest. This picture reminded me of an ultrasound that we had of Keira when she was in Tricia's tummy, so I decided to post that ultrasound below.

FIRE WALKER

2009-05-22T21:58:00.002+09:00

So, tonight we went to a bonfire on the beach for a little going away party for some of the families in our branch that are moving out. At the end of this little shin-dig, after the fire had died down and all that was left were the red embers in the bottom of the pit, our conversation turned to those crazy people that walk on coal. It was just me, Tricia, and a couple of other guys because everybody else had already left. Anyway, I started thinking, "hey, people call me crazy. maybe I can walk on coals too." And of course I decided I would try despite the pleading of my wife not to. I figured if they can do it and not get hurt, so can I. Well, let me tell you, the first 3 steps I didn't feel a thing, and I thought, "this is easy!" So, on the fourth step I paused a little bit, and the fifth, sixth and seventh step I ran. Below is the picture for my proof that I am now a certified fire walker.

The Price of a Haircut!

2009-04-26T20:27:00.004+09:00

I received a haircut at one of the barbers here on base, and I have to say it was horrible. I thought, "Man, my daughter could cut my hair better than that lady did!" So, I decided to find out if she could. To my surprise my daughter did cut my hair better, albeit, it was a bit more painful. Enjoy!

My Daughter the Bully

2009-04-06T17:19:00.004+09:00

So, I was reading my older posts and after I read TKO From Tokyo and Who? I realized that our daughter is a bully, at least to me. This made me start to think of all the other humiliating and mean things she has done or said to me. I am going to tell you this stuff now because my therapist told me that it is therapeutic to talk about it.

The other day we were at the BX (base exchange ie Wal-mart) and Keira and I had to wait for my wife. So trying to make sure Keira stayed occupied I decided to take her to the fragrance department because I know she always love to try on knew smells. On the way over I asked her if she would like to smell like a boy or a girl, and of course she replied, "girl".

Me: "What kind of girl do you want to smell like?"

Her: "A pink girl."

Me: "Do you want to smell like Britney Spears?"

Her: "Eww, No. Yucky."

Me: "Okay, do you want to smell like Jennifer Lopez?"

Her: "Daddy, no."

Me: "Do you want to smell like Paris Hilton?"

Her: "No, she smells like poo poo."

Me: "You are probably right."

This continued for a little while until she decided to smell like Gwen Steffani. After she had her smell, Tricia wasn't back yet so I decided to choose a scent for myself. I made my first major mistake. I turned my back on my little bully. As I sat perusing through the different colognes, Keira would come up with a perfume and say "Daddy, does this smell good?" I would smell it and say "oh, yes it does" then I would hand it back to her and continue my searching. After about the sixth time she did this, I noticed that the female smells were overpowering the male smells and as I turned around I caught Keira spraying the last perfume that I had approved of all over my behind. As I further investigated the situation I determined that she had sprayed me with every one she had brought over and quite extensively by the amount of moisture that was on the back of my pants. As I started to scold her, she started laughing and said, "Now you are going to turn into a princess." The rest of the night she called me a princess even after I had the serious conversation of "daddy isn't laughing anymore. It isn't funny. and, quit calling me a princess." to which she replied, "okay princess." It didn't help that Tricia after hearing what happened couldn't stop laughing and joined in on the princess chants.

Another malicious thing she did to me happened just today. Tricia had balled up a bunch of watermelon for Keira and put it into a bowl. As Keira was eating it, it looked so delicious I thought I would try a bite.

Me: "Keira, may I have some watermelon?"

Keira: "No."

Me: "Please?"

Keira: "NO!"

Me: "Please, just one bite?"

Keira: "Fine, I hope you choke!"

Where do they pick this stuff up.

One last one before I end this, Keira has a knack of hitting or kicking me right where it hurts a man most, and because we don't care to teach her the proper terminology for certain anatomy, we have had talks about not hitting daddy in the "hoo hoo." Well, two weeks ago she got me really good with her knee when she jumped on me from the back of our couch while I was laying down watching a movie. As I doubled over in agony and yelled in an ultra high pitched voice she ran away laughing and singing, "ha ha, I got you in the hoo hoo." It is like I have my buddy Jed with me again. Someone to laugh at me every time I am in pain, only this buddy usually causes the pain. "What doesn't kill you will only make you stronger. (or cripple you for life.)"

Twitterpated

2009-03-25T20:13:00.013+09:00

So, the daughter is growing up way too fast. She has discovered one of the most splendorous feelings she can have, love. Yup, that's right, she has fallen in love with one of the boys in her sunbeam class. His name is Greyson. I guess it is time for me to get out my gun and knives because I am sure they are due for some cleaning. Anyway, this is how I was notified. I stopped at our post office and picked up our mail. Keira loves getting mail so I always give her a piece of junk mail and tell her it is for her. She loves it. Tonight was no different. On the way home she sat in the back seat quietly reading her mail. After awhile she spoke up.

Keira: "My letter says that Greyson loves me!"

Me: "Oh really?"

Keira: "Yup, he loves me and that makes my heart happy."

Me: "But, you don't like boys do you?"

Keira: "I love boys!"

Me: "No you don't!"

Keira: "Yes I do. I love to hug and kiss them."

Me: "You aren't allowed to love boys."

Keira "I love Greyson and he makes my heart feel better."

Me: "You are too young to love boys. You can't love boys until your 30. Mommy doesn't even love boys yet."

Keira: "You need to go away. I am going to stay with Greyson."

Me: "No you aren't!"

Keira: "Yes I am. It is a good idea. Okey dokey."

Me: "Won't you miss me and mommy?"

Keira: "No. I love Greyson and he makes my heart feel better."

At this point I decided there was no way I was going to win this fight so I went to the store and bought some Rogaine to wipe all over Keira's face daily. Don't worry, when she is 30 I will pay for the laser hair removal, but until then I think a bearded girl should keep the boys away.

PSYC 1-0-Eric

2009-03-18T14:01:00.003+09:00

So, I just finished my required PSYC 100 class and I got a B. (woohoo) Now get this, I got a very low B (81% low) and next to my grade the teacher wrote "Congratulations on having the highest grade in the class! Gold star!" first of all, what in the world can I do with a gold star? Can I trade it in to bump my grade up to an A? Can I spend it? What carat gold is it, and how big is it? Oh, and when will I be receiving this star? Secondly, what does it say about you as a teacher, when only one person in a class of 25 gets as high as a glorified C in your class? Are you a tough teacher? Is this some sort of psychology experiment you are trying to do?

My personal opinion on the matter is that this particular professor forged her degree. I almost asked for my money back (even though school is free for me) when she came to class one day and said, "I don't know very much about this chapter so we aren't going to lecture on it. it is in the book however, so it will be on the test." What?! How are you going to write questions for a test on something you know nothing about? Redunkulous! I also caught her teaching false hoods about things I had learned in the physiology class that I had taken the semester before. For instance, she told us that they did one study where a man tried to stay awake for a ridiculous amount of time, and he started to have hallucinations. She said they found out later that he had been taking things such as caffeine to help him stay awake and that those substances were causing the hallucinations. She said you won't hallucinate from being tired. Well, Dr. Cummings begs to differ. He taught that after your body reaches a certain point of fatigue (or tiredness) it will produce a hormone a lot like LSD to force your body to sleep. This hormone, just like LSD, can, and will cause hallucinations. I brought it to her attention, but she replied "I have done extensive research on the subject, and I have never come across that." I went home and found it in my text book, but I didn't call her out on it because after all, she was the one that would be grading my work. I'm just glad the question didn't come up on the test because then I wouldn't have known what to answer. Anyway, enough griping about my sub par professor.

Let me impart my newly acquired knowledge on the subject of Psychology. After all, this is PSYC 1-0-Eric. Let us start with Freud. Freud was a very smart fellow except that every one of his ideas weren't good enough, so someone had to come in and tweak them, or they were proved incorrect all together. Every time he came up in discussion our professor would transition by saying "Freud was proved wrong by..." or "This theory of Freud's was improved on..." One day I had had it. I raised my hand and said, "If Freud was always either wrong, or not quite accurate, then why do we still need to learn about him?"

The reply, "Because he was a genius."

"If he was a genius why was everyone always tweaking his stuff or proving it wrong"

"Because, after the tweaking of his theories they became an integral part of psychology."

"So other people made him a genius by changing what his ideas were?"

"Yes."

"Okay, good enough for me."

So there you have it. That was my biggest realization in the class. My other big realization was that psychology isn't based on facts, or even evidence really, just the interpretations of different people on different results. That is why there are 5 or more different ways to view the exact same scenario (i.e. behaviorism, functionalism, structuralism, psychoanalysis, humanism, etc...). No wonder it is so hard to study for. When the teacher has a question on a test you have to guess which type of psychology she wants the answer in. So for each question you need to know at least 5 different answers.

No I am not so full of myself that I don't think there is a possibility that I just really don't understand it. But, that is how I was taught. I mean, I was the highest scoring student in the class, and that is saying something. (Honestly, it probably isn't saying anything because I was the only Air Force guy in there. The rest were marines, so we all probably just didn't understand it.)

This reminds me...I want to start up my "Ask Eric" postings. If you have a profound question you would like answered either leave it in a post comment or email it to gumbyneedsemail@yahoo.com and I will answer your question to the best of my abilities in a post dedicated solely to your question. Remember, I am the person your mother warned you about, but I will give you the answers you are looking for even if they aren't the ones you want. Too all I bid adieu.

Oonie and Me

2009-03-11T16:07:00.002+09:00

So this goes out to Mizkylie. It will probably disappoint. I am sorry. You see Oonie and I didn't hang out a whole lot when we were old enough to get into some funny trouble, and when we did it was usually with a larger group. For instance, I remember driving around neighborhoods stealing children's toys that had been left out in their front yards. By the end of the night we felt bad, so we would take all of the toys back. The only problem was we knew which houses we had taken from, but we couldn't exactly remember what toy we had taken. We ended up thinking of it as the used toy exchange program. I do remember Tyson running up to a large Fisher price type club house with slide and all to put on the top of the car and drive away, but just as he reached the loot, the guy sitting in his living room looked right out of the window and saw him. We took off pretty quick. There was also a phase where we would take hood ornaments off of cars that looked over burdened by the extra piece of fake metal hanging on to the grill. I think that came about more because of his cousin Mario. He did have a really crappy little red hatch back that had a very nice logo on the front.

I also remember a time we had caught some snakes but they got loose in Oonie's car so we lit about 5 smoke bombs in it to try and smoke the snakes out. It didn't work, but the car looked cool. Most of my memories of Oonie stem back to early child hood where he and his brother Ronnie would tell me that they owned every single Star Wars toy that was available, but that their mom wouldn't let them play with them so they had to play with mine. We had a lot of fun with those.

I guess I do have to attribute my driving skills to Oonie. We got into many car chases which were to this day some of the best times I have ever had in a car. He would take me to empty parking lots and let me drive his car around. And on one occasion, before I even had my driver's permit, I dropped his girlfriend on her head (I was trying a country dance lift) and they decided to take her to the hospital. He wanted to be in the car with her so he told me to follow him by myself in his car. He was so trusting. I had only driven once before. Well, I only made it to the first stop light until I lost him, then I got lost trying to get back home. I do remember Oonie getting my back at Wheeler Farm on country dance nights when some K-Mart Cowboys would try to pick fights with us.

Oonie was always good with stories too. For along time I thought he had a pet purple hippo living in his basement. I also thought that his house was robbed and they found finger prints all over the house. He also had me and another neighborhood kid searching all over the neighborhood looking for a wolf that had "terrorized" us at a sleep over. Either I was a very gullible little boy, or he was just that good at telling stories. I also believe that I was with him when we stole his girlfriend's dad's Cheech and Chong atrack tapes to play in my Ford Ranger (which had an atrack player). It at the tapes, so we opened up the case and shoved all the tape back in, not even taking the time to roll it up, and then we taped it shut so it looked like it was still good. You have to understand this dad was a very scary man (although he seemed to like me pretty good. Maybe because I wasn't dating his daughter)

And that is the best I have right now. They are more of "you have to be there" type moments, but they are legendary to me. I hope this satisfies your hunger for Oonie stories. I will keep my thoughts going to find an experience that is worth of a single post dedicated to the sole adventure. Until next time, good luck in life. (you're going to need it.)

TKO from Tokyo!

2009-03-07T16:38:00.004+09:00

I have never been knocked out before, not even by this guy even though he tried very hard.

So, like I was saying, I have never been knocked out. That is until a couple of days ago. I came home for lunch and as usual Keira came running to me to give me a hug. And as I usually do, I lifted her very quickly by her arms to get her high enough that I could let go really quick and hug her around the waist. Only this time as she was coming up at this high velocity she decided to lift both of her knees up to her chest at the same time. As luck would have it, She connected with both of my mental nerves (the ones at the tip of your chin) creating a big flash of white light, and making my knees buckle and my body to fall straight down on top of my legs. Keira landed on me and thought it was funny so she started to laugh while I laid there in a giant heap. As soon as I realized I was on the ground I tried to stand up. I fell again, so I tried again and again I fell. My legs were not doing what my mind was telling them. The third time I grabbed the piano and tried to pull myself up again, but that didn't help either. For the third time I fell back to the ground, but this time I decided to stay there because the room was spinning very fast by this time. Seeing all of this, Keira started realizing that something was wrong so she started crying because she knew she had hurt daddy. At this Tricia finally came out of the kitchen to see what was wrong, and she found me on the floor face down. Needless to say I had a very severe headache the rest of the day, and I kept falling asleep at work. And that is the story of my TKO from Tokyo (or Okinawa). I was laid out by my three year old daughter.

The Champion

The Loser!

Hold On, I'm Thinking

2009-01-25T14:37:00.002+09:00

Mizkylie, I am doing my best to come up with the greatest Oonie story. I have to go way back into my memory banks to find them because during high school, I didn't see a lot of Oonie. most of my stories involve playing with our Star Wars and G.I. Joe action figures. I know I have some, I just want to make sure I don't disappoint you with something silly. I haven't forgotten about you. I do have a couple stories in mind, but I need to piece them together properly. Writing is a delicate art form and needs to be respected. I need to give it time to develop. Remember what Heinz said. "Best things come to those who wait"

I Guess I Couldn't Fool You

2009-01-25T14:02:00.002+09:00

So I told you all how I broke my computer, and as intelligent as you all are, you saw right through me. I tried to get by telling you as little as possible so as to let you believe that I have settled down from my younger days. But no, you want the real story. I did tell the truth, but I just left out some minor details. Here is the story in its entirety.

Let me explain my absence from the blogging scene. The reason I haven't been frequenting my blog is because about 2 months ago I broke my computer. It was a dark and rainy night. I had been checking my fantasy football scores when I had a strong hunger pang for some scrambled eggs. I got up from the couch, set my computer down and went into the kitchen. While there I decided to add as much flavor to my eggs as humanly possible, so I added things like bacon bits, ranch dressing, jalepeños, Havarti cheese, worcestershire sauce, basil, paprika, Pace picante salsa, chili pepper, onions, and sausage. (sounds like a recipe for the Culinary Cro-Magnon) Anyway, as this concoction was simmering on the stove I heard the neighbors coming home and because I love to scare and tease my friends I went running out our back door. As luck would have it there was a giant spider that I had seen earlier that day hanging in the same spot on our tree, so I grabbed it and took it with me. I snuck behind my neighbor and put the spider on his shoulder. Luckily, I didn't get caught, so I retreated into the shadows to watch the action. As he passed his wife to unlock their door his wife let out a blood curdling scream. Just then I heard a large crash from our kitchen. I jumped out of the shadows and yelled "boo". This time they both screamed. I don't know if it was because I startled them or because of my almost entire nakedness (I was wearing a towel). I decided I had better check on the loud crashing from my kitchen so I ran back inside my house. In my kitchen I found a fire blazing on the stove top and my food all over the walls, refrigerator, and floor. I also noticed my cat was covered in my midnight snack. I piece together what had happened. When my neighbors wife had screamed, it had startled my cat who was sniffing and sampling my egg delight. When the cat jumped he knocked the pan of the stove and tipped over the bottle of vegetable oil onto the hot burner. I quickly put out the fire with the towel I was wearing. I then went into the living room to see if my fantasy football scores were any better. They weren't. And now because of my bad mood I was very upset. In my anger I threw the computer down on our hard vinyl tile floor. It smashed the screen. At this noise Tricia finally came out of the bathroom where she had been bathing Keira to find me standing naked in the middle of eggs-a-la-everything and a broken computer on the floor. Luckily, I was able to hook it up to our TV so Tricia could continue to use it, but I was grounded from any type of interaction with the computer because of my irresponsible display. When I finally got back my computer privileges, I decided I didn't want to spend much time all at once on the computer because of our new set up. You see, the cord would only allow us to sit about 2 feet away from the TV and we had to sit on a hard metal chair. Which wouldn't have been too bad except that I had been very ill those two months. I had strep throat twice, and a nasty cough the entire time (probably from running around in my towel scarring neighbors in the middle of the night), so sitting on a hard chair playing on the computer was not something I felt like doing. But, now we have a computer that I can sit on the soft couch and write to my hearts content.

Unfortunately, my schedule will not allow me to do this for at least another two months. This is my schedule for now. Monday through Thursday I wake up at 0500 to go to work. I get off work at 1600. from there I go straight to school to get there by 1700. I get out of school at 2230 and am home at about 2300. On Fridays, I don't have school so I get some time then, but by then I am so tired and I need to get to sleep early because on Saturday I have to be to work by 0500. And on Sundays we have church at 0900, but we have to leave half-an-hour early in order to make it there on time. After church is now the time that I have to write to my heart's content. I hope you will forgive me for my upcoming neglect.

I'm Baayaack!

2008-12-28T11:04:00.003+09:00

I bet most of you thought you would never hear from me again. Let me explain my absence from the blogging scene. The reason I haven't been frequenting my blog is because about 2 months ago I broke my computer. This is what it looks like.

I had been checking my fantasy football scores when I had a strong hunger pang for some scrambled eggs. As I went to set the computer down on the arm of the couch, I missed and the computer ended up on our hard vinyl tile floor upside down. Luckily, I was able to hook it up to our TV but the cord would only allow us to sit about 2 feet away from the TV and we had to sit on a hard metal chair. Which wouldn't have been too bad except that I have been very ill the last two months. I had strep throat twice, and a nasty cough the entire time, so sitting on a hard chair playing on the computer was not something I felt like doing. But I am here now. I apologize to all three of my avid readers for my neglect.

It is Frightening!

2008-10-19T16:47:00.009+09:00

In honor of the upcoming holiday, All Hallow's Eve, I have decided to dedicate a special JedNEric post to the scarier moments that we endured. Here it is, the Hauntings of

For the sake of this story, different nights and experiences have all been rolled into this one evening. Although the time lines for this story are not historically correct, ALL of the events are.

On this night we had decided that we were going to do everything we could to scare the bejeezers out of our dates. We started in Ogden where we had heard there was a very haunted house. We had to drive down a very long dirt road into the middle of the woods to get to this house, but when we got there, it was very disappointing. Nothing scary at all. we looked around a little, tried to get in (but not too hard because we could tell someone was still living there), and then decided to head on down to Salt Lake City, where the really scary stuff is. As we were driving back down the dirt road, another car was coming towards us. As it passed us it was just like the movies where everything goes in slow motion, everyone in our car looks at the other car just as every one in the other car looks into our car. But, the guys in the other car have that smile like, "we have a big secret, we are vampires" (I guess if they told us that it wouldn't be a secret). Anyway, these were no ordinary guys. All of them had fangs (either real ones, or very good fake ones), and bright, bright (almost glowing), green, cat-like eyes. They all just stared at us as we passed.

After this small dose of adrenaline rush we could tell the girls were starting to get worried, so we decided to find some more scary places. We decided to go to Emo's (or Nemo's, I'm not sure) grave. Apparently there is a glass panel covering a hollow area in his tombstone, and during a full moon you can see his face laughing at you. Unfortunately, the glass had been broken, so obviously we weren't able to see this laughing Emo. We weren't discouraged, instead we ran ahead of the girls and hid behind a tombstone to jump out and scare them (which we did, and it was awesome). When we got back to the car I reached into my pocket only to find that my keys were no longer there. "They must have fallen out behind that tombstone." I thought. So, I went back alone to find them. That was scary, but I'm sure it was one of those "you-had-to-be-there" moments, so let's move on.

We then had the great idea of meeting up with my sister and her boyfriend and go for a hike into the canyons. My sister and her boyfriend decided to stay back at the camp fire while we went for our frightening hike. For some reason we let Jed lead the way, and in a matter of moments we were lost (which was about as scary as this part got. I just want to add this because it was kind of funny) When we finally got back there was a park ranger there ready to call out a rescue search with helicopters and everything.

Well, after all of our attempts had failed to really scare these girls, we decided we would step it up a little. We took them to the old Jordan High School that was haunted by a bus load of children who had died on their way to school in a horrific wreck. We got there, and of course, all the doors were chained shut. The new Jordan High School was built and they were getting ready to tear this one down. We weren't going to give up that easy so Jed broke a window into the gym with a rock. He stood on my shoulders and stuck his head in the window. To this day I don't know what he saw, but he fell back off of my shoulders, cutting his hand in the process, and he was ghost white. I heard a lot of strange noises coming from this building but Jed is still so disturbed by it that he won't talk about it. We took off quickly after that.

Having done everything we could think of to scare these girls, we decided that we would let Hollywood do the scaring. We took them to see the movie "Scream", which did a very decent job of scaring these girls. Well the night was finished so we took the girls home. Then, Jed had to drop me off at my house but on the way there, there was a very eerie feeling. There were no cars in the streets anywhere, and no lights on in any of the houses. It was like a ghost town. And then we saw it. An SUV had smashed into a tree and was smoking. The tree was mostly knocked over, and the SUV was totalled, but there was not one person in sight. There was no sign that police were coming or any sign that there was even a driver in this car. At this point the details get hazy so I will tell you what I remember. We decided to get out of the car to make sure there was really nobody there or hurt. We looked in the car and all over the ground. We found a large blood trail leading off into the shadows. Reluctantly, we decided to follow it. As we got closer to the shadow we saw a pair of glowing yellow eyes staring at us. Just like the eyes that the vampires in Ogden had. Then, in a raspy, whispering voice the owner of the eyes spoke to us. "I have been following you all night long, and now it is time for you to die." Just then, a body that had been lying on the ground began to stir and stand up. The strange thing about this body was it was missing it's head. I assumed that we had found the driver of the crashed SUV, and realized that the wreck was no accident. Simultaneously, Jed and I turned to run, but because Jed was the state record holder in the 100, 200, and 400 meter dash, he was a little bit faster than me. Yellow eyes grabbed me, and in one swoop took me to the ground and bit my neck. Of course Jed saw this and fell to the ground laughing hysterically in true Jed fashion.

My First Tag...I am so Excited!

2008-10-19T13:34:00.005+09:00

So, the sister-in-law tagged me with this thing about 5 weeks ago. I didn't realize I was tagged because if I know it is a tag post, I never read the last paragraph. That way I never am tagged. Tricia ruined that for me. She said, "Hey Eric, Kristen tagged you."

So now I was officially tagged. Read on, Readers.

Joys
1. Tricia
2. Keira
3. Free Time

Fears
1. Little boys that may be interested in my little girl.
2. Tricia, when I deserve it. (or so she says)
3. Snagged finger/toe nails. Puking scared.

Goals
1. Staying married forever (to Tricia)
2. Not screwing up my kid too much.
3. Becoming a physician's assistant. (notice I didn't shoot all the way for physician? I know my limits.)

Current Obsessions
1. Tricia (wink, wink, nudge, nudge.)
2. DVDs
3. Getting straight 'A's

Regrets
1. Dec. 1998.
2. Dec. 2000.
3. Not having any regrets minute enough that I can talk about them with all of my adoring readers.

Facts about Me
1. I drove and destroyed 8 cars and 9 engines by the time I was 18. (Thanks dad!)
2. I will be a millionaire in 2030.
3. I really enjoy "chick flicks".

Since my lovely wife didn't fulfill her obligation to Kristen's tag, I re-tag her. I also tag my sister Jenny, my cousin Sheri, my friend Sheri, and my best friend's girl, Cami.

Blog on, bloggers.

The Master of Distraction

2008-10-10T17:18:00.004+09:00

Let me first give a little background to this story. When Keira was first starting to walk she loved to play with her grandmother's shoes. Whenever we would take her to my mom's house, Keira would always find grandma's shoes and run off. My mom would be in her recliner with the foot rest up and her shoes would be right in front of her. After awhile, my mom would quickly put the foot rest down and grab her shoes whenever she would see Keira coming her way. Well, Keira changed her tactics immediately. She would come to the end of the foot rest (only her head was over it) and just smile at my mom. Of course my mom would smile back and talk to her, but what my mom didn't know was while Keira was smiling, she was also picking up my mom's shoes with her foot and bringing them up to her hands. As soon as she had both of them, she would take off running. My mom was none the wiser until she found her shoes were missing.

Now, fast forward to today. I go to work by 6:00 in the morning, and as soon as work is over I go to school until about 10:00 at night four days a week. When I get home Keira is usually in bed, but this night she was laying in Tricia's lap asleep and Tricia was watching one of her movies. When I asked how her night was, this was Tricia's story. At 7:30 Tricia told Keira that it was time for bed, and the standard rebuttal that Keira gave was "5 more minutes" (while holding up four fingers).

She then asked, "Watch a moobie".

Tricia being in a generous mood gave in and told her she could pick out a movie.

Right away Keira said, "I want to watch a mommy moobie".

Tricia has been watching these A&E mini series shows that are of the "olden days". They are fairly boring, so Tricia was surprised that Keira asked to watch this particular movie, but she obliged anyway. Keira's scheme was set in place. A little while into the movie, when Keira knew that Tricia would be totally engulfed in the movie, Keira disappeared into the kitchen. Suddenly, Tricia realized that she hadn't heard anything from Keira in awhile and past experience has proven that this was not a good thing. But, when she looked up she noticed Keira standing there in the dark just looking at her.

Tricia asked her, "Keira have you been eating the cookies?" (Tricia had made a big batch of chocolate chip cookies earlier in the day).

Keira replied, "No."

"Keira, are you lying to me?"

"No."

Still suspecting that Keira had eaten some cookies, Tricia turned on the light to find a chocolate covered little girl, and almost a dozen cookies missing. Keira definitely knew what she was doing when she asked for the "mommy moobie".

Attack of the Howler Monkey

2008-10-05T10:43:00.008+09:00

So, Keira was watching Diego the Explorer on tv, and they had a friend howler monkey. Needless to say, Keira wanted to be a howler monkey, and there were casualties.

Our Little Mermaid

2008-10-05T09:42:00.010+09:00

Mack Daddy Inn

2008-09-13T16:32:00.003+09:00

So here it is, the adventurous vacation of It was the summer after our senior year when Jed and I went on a vacation with my family to Mac's Inn. Mac's Inn is a little cabin resort up in the mountains of Ashton, Idaho. It all started on the car ride there. We were listening to the radio when the song "To Make You Feel My Love" by Garth Brooks came on. We didn't change it and after awhile I looked over at Jed. His eyes were watering pretty good. Then I noticed that my eyes were watering too. You see we were both getting ready for our missions in fact Jed was leaving right when we got back from the trip, and we both were ditching our girlfriends for this trip. I don't know what was going on with us, but we quickly put in a Bone Thugz N Harmony Harmony cd to get rid of that crazy cloud of estrogen that somehow had gotten into the car. Anywho, when we got up there we went to a melodramatic play and we were told that audience participation was highly encouraged. They told us we could throw food at the villains, so instantly the light bulbs started turning on. Before the play started one of the villains was squirting us with a squirt gun from behind a wall. Of course we decided we would get even so we filled two big pictures up with water to dump on the guy. He caught us and tipped them over while we weren't looking, but now we were determined so we filled them up again. during the play the villain had to run right past us so of course we drenched him. At the end of the show the villain came running at us from the back of the stage with a filled picture so Jed and I took off just as he tossed the water. Luckily for us, we didn't get wet, but the older lady sitting behind us wasn't so lucky. After the play one of the actresses wanted us to go with her to jump off a bring into a river. She was cute, so we were up to it. The bridge was about 20 feet high. The girl counted 3 pillars from the shore and assured us that it was deep enough to jump in. She also told us to lift our feet as soon as they hit the water so we wouldn't slam our legs into the bottom. I went first. I didn't even hesitate. I jumped, and as I had been instructed, I lifted my legs as soon as my feet hit the water. To my surprise, my butt hit the bottom as soon as I lifted my legs. She forgot that it was 4 pillars from the shore. As I sat there in pain I realized that the water was barely covering my thighs. It was only about a foot deep. You guessed it, while everyone was trying to find out if I was ok, Jed was on the ground laughing. (see the trend?) after we figured out where to jump it was pretty fun. The girl that had invited us to jump in the river then invited us to a disco dance the next night. We told her that we would be there. When we got back to our cabin, we decided that it was way to hot in there to sleep so we took our blankets and pillows and snuck onto the trampoline that they used for the bungee jumping thingamajiger. We noticed a mouse running around so we threw a blanket over it, picked it up, and put it on the trampoline and bounced it all over the place. That was pretty funny. Well the next day we decided we needed some disco shirts and some very tight pants, so my mom and her friend Julie drove us to a thrift store to look for some. On the way there we stopped at a restaurant called Big Judd's. They had a deal where if you finished a "Double Judd" which was 2 pounds of meat (after it had been cooked) everyone in the restaurant got free drinks. I had to do it, because they take your picture and put it on the wall if you finish it, and there wasn't one little skinny guy on the wall, and I wanted to be the first. I finished the burger while the whole restaurant was cheering me on. Talk about a stomach ache. Anyway, at the thrift shop we found some perfect clothes, but we didn't know if they would fit. There were no changing rooms in the store, so Jed and I dropped our pants right there and changed in the middle of the aisle. My mom's friend Julie was horrified, but it didn't even faze my mom. While there, Jed picked up dress. Don't ask me why. I didn't get a dress. (Sisters, you better not say anything.)

Do it for the Stories!

2008-09-10T16:16:00.002+09:00

So, Jed and I met in June of 1995 and after we went to college, we didn't hang out a whole lot. Meaning, all of these stories pretty much happened within a 4 year span. I accredit our abundance of stories to our little motto that we came up with. Whenever we were face with something that we probably shouldn't do, whether it be because of legal issues, or danger issues, or even just parental law issues, we would look at each other and say "DO IT FOR THE STORIES!" Then we would do it, and as a result we have good stories to tell over and over again now that we are supposed to be too responsible to carry on the tradition. Enough blabbing. Let's get on with some more short stories of

Story 6: Don't Egg Me On
Jed and I worked for a psycho manager at Godfather's Pizza. This lady was married and they lived in her mother-in-law's basement. For some reason she didn't like her mother-in-law very much so she asked us if we would go with her to egg her mother-in-laws house (she didn't want her mother-in-law to see her car). Of course we agreed. We started throwing the eggs from across the street. I bent down to pick up some eggs and when I looked up I saw everyone running away. I turned around to see the mother-in-law about 6 feet away running straight at me. More out of reaction from being startled than being a jerk, I unloaded the two eggs in my hands and, unfortunately, they both hit the poor lady in the chest. I still feel bad for that one.

Story 7: Let's Go Already
Jed and I decided one night to go and visit his girlfriend in Centerville. Mom told me that she would hold me responsible if I didn't get her son home before his curfew. Jed and his girlfriend were having...disagreements, and wanted to talk them out. It was getting close to time to go, but Jed wouldn't budge. Thinking I could help the situation I asked Jed to give me the keys to his mother's mini-van so I could listen to music while I waited. He gave me the keys, and my plan was in motion. I jumped in the van and pulled out of the driveway thinking he would come after me. He didn't so I proceeded to drive past the house at about 75 miles an hour. The last time around, one of the neighbors was running out holding a cordless phone (which he threw at the car) yelling at me. I figured he was calling the police so I was going to pick up Jed and get out of there, but Jed and his girlfriend had gone inside. I drove down to a store and called the girl's house. Her mom told me they were out looking for me and wanted to know what was going on. I quickly drove back and parked the car at a church and walked back. On the way, one of the girl's friends, another neighbor, ran out to me and told me that Jed and his girlfriend were in the house. There were two older gentlemen standing at the door, and as I walked past them they asked me my name. I quickly replied, "John"

"John what?" they asked.

Not able to think quick for some reason, I said, "John Atkinson?".

They let me go by, but once inside Jed told me that he had already given them a description of me and knew that it was me. I went out and talked to the police and they told me that the neighbor was charging me for reckless driving and that the police were charging me with false information to a police officer, and auto theft? Yup, Jed told them that he didn't give me permission to take the car. Thanks Jed. I only ended up having to go to court for the false information to a police officer which was dropped because the officers didn't announce that they were police and they were in civilian clothes and an unmarked car. Lucky me.

Story 8: Dr. Patton
During a track practice I was practicing my long jump. As I threw my hands forward for my landing on one of my jumps, the palm of my right hand got caught on the toe spike of my shoe, slicing a nice cut into my hand. I used the tape and prewrap on my leg as a bandage on my hand. Jed drove me to the hospital and was allowed into the room where I would get stitched up. The nurse came in and checked my wound and told me to wait while she went to get the stuff to clean it. Jed was sitting on the other side of the room reading a magazine, so when she left I told Jed to switch with me. I gave him my bloody ball of tape and prewrap and I took his magazine and we switched chairs. The nurse came in to clean the wound and asked Jed to remove the bandage so she could clean it. Jed obeyed and removed the bandage, but there was no cut. She looked confused, then started laughing and said, "Funny joke." We thought we were caught until she said, "let me see your other hand." The look of confusion on her face was indescribable when Jed showed her that there wasn't a wound on that hand either. We couldn't hold it anymore, we both started laughing hysterically. Finally, when the doctor came in to stitch up my hand, he was having problems. He kept pulling the thread all the way through instead of leaving enough to tie it off. Jed asked if he could stitch me up, and the doctor said, "if I pull this one all the way through I will let you finish it up." I don't think the doctor expected to pull it through again, but he did and true to his word he gave Jed a quick lesson and Jed finished stitching me up.

Story 9: How High Can You Jump?
My mom supported me a lot in track and field, and one day she took Jed and I to the local grocery store to buy some snacks for our track meet the next day. Again we became bored going up and down the aisles so we started to see if we could jump and touch the aisle signs that said what products were on that aisle. We were touching every sign, until Jed touched one a little too hard. It broke off the chain on one side. How it was hanging now, my mom could have touched it too. I don't remember how that one got resolved, but I do know we didn't get kicked out. Although, my mom was very embarrassed and never took us shopping again.

That is all once again, but stay tuned for Mack Daddies Inn where Jed wore a dress. There might be some pictures

This is going to be a Long but Short Post

2008-09-06T14:55:00.005+09:00

There are a few stories that Jed and I have that are worthy of being posted but not long enough to dedicate a single post per story. So here it is. Some short stories from the files of

I can't give all of the credit for these stories to my memory. Jed has reminded me of some of them through comments on previous posts. Anyway, let's get on with it shall we?

Story 1: Escargot

One night Jed and I had gotten in trouble by Mom (Jed's mom) for doing something we probably shouldn't have done. Her punishment for us this night was to de-snail her garden. We took a bucket and a couple of flashlights, and Me, Jed, and Jed's brother and sister all made the trip to the backyard garden. As you guessed, it started to get very boring so to try and pass the time we started to see who could find the biggest snail. I found the biggest snail, and there was no way any of the other three were going to find a bigger one. But Jed, never wanting to be out done started yelling out, "I have found the biggest one!" As he threw his snail into the bucket, It made a loud thump and smash sound on the bottom of the bucket. It turns out it wasn't a snail at all, but instead a large rock. The rock smashed some of the snails so Jed started to bounce the bucket, smashing the rest of the snails, then he grabbed a stick to stir them up. He started to dare me to eat it, but I said I don't eat stuff like that without money. So, his brother pulled out 5 dollars. I'm not proud of it, but I ate the snail guts. The funny thing is, I did not throw-up, but Jed and his brother did.

Story 2: Essence of JedNEric

Jed and I used to meet girls all over Utah, but on this night we had to drive about an hour north to meet these girls. We decided to get something to eat before our long ride. I don't remember where we ate, but it didn't agree (and I mean, REALLY didn't agree) with either of us. The problem was, it was way too cold to drive all that way with the windows down. You see, it was probably the coldest day of the year, and my heater wasn't working its best. So, we would crack the window a bit every time a "spider would start barking", but we definitely knew that after an hour ride, and the amount of methane in the car there would be no way to mask the smell. Our plan was to jump out of the car very quickly when we arrived so the girls wouldn't catch a wif of our unpleasant side. Well, when we got to our destination the girls were standing in the parking lot, and when we stopped they ran to my window. Without thinking, I rolled my window down. To my horror, the girls both stuck their heads into our gas chamber. I watched their faces, and there was not even the slightest hint of disgust, and, completely sarcasm free, one of the girls said, "Wow, it really smells good in here guys." That day Jed and I decided that someday we would create our own line of cologne.

Story 3: Making the News

One day at school everyone kept telling us that they had seen us on TV in the news. We were a little confused because we had never been video taped, other than at track meets, so we assumed that there was a clip of us at a track meet. We enjoyed the attention. A month went by, and we didn't hear anything else about it until we were hanging out with some friends that we hadn't seen for awhile. One of them started telling us that she remembered seeing us on the news. We asked her what we were doing, and she said, "It looked like you were leaving the school after a track practice because you were bare footed, without shirts, and your giant gym bags over your shoulders." Jed asked her what the story was about, and laughing a little bit, but also showing some concern, she said, "they were doing a story about how Cottonwood High School was one of only two high schools in Utah that had a gay and lesbian club." What?

Story 4: Are You Getting Enough Lead in Your Diet?

Jed's father is a chiropractor and we would often visit him at his office when he was working late. On this particular visit we were sitting in one of his adjustment rooms, and following the general theme of every story, we once again became bored. We started tossing these little weighted bean bag-type things that Dad would have his patients hold to stretch their arms during an adjustment. Well, I broke one and all of the little lead b-bs poured out on to the floor. We hurried to clean them up, but we weren't quick enough. With the last handful in my hand Jed's dad walked in. Thinking quick I threw them in my mouth and swallowed. Unfortunately Jed's dad caught me. I don't know if he was worried, or he thought it was cool, either way he wanted to take an x-ray of my stomach. Sure enough, you could see all of the little b-bs in my stomach and one in my lung, that went down the wrong pipe when I inhaled as I put them into my mouth. That one was coughed out the next day.

Story 5: Run...Stop!

So Jed and I weren't ever big time toilet paperers, but we did indulge in it if that is what the group was doing. On this occasion, it was Jed, Oscar, and Eeyore (the last two were nicknames obviously), one of the girl's mothers (she was the driver), and me. When we finished, the girls went back to the suburban and Jed and I left a present on the door step, rang the bell and took off running. On the way there, I had been sitting in the front passenger seat so obviously, I thought that I was returning to that seat. I was wrong. As I was running up, the girl in the back seat swung open the back passenger door for me to get in, albeit a little too late. I was stopped in the middle of my tracks, both legs and arms parallel to the ground, one on each side of the door. My face and body slammed into the edge of the door. Jed, in true Jed-fashion, fell to the ground, laughing hysterically.

That is all I have for you right now, but don't worry, there are many, many more where those came from. Oh, and Jed if you have any more that you remember better than I do, let me know and I'll get them posted.

Chippendale's Rescue Rangers

2008-08-29T10:19:00.002+09:00

Another misadventure of

It was a warm summer day, and Jed and I were looking for something to keep ourselves busy, so we went and visited our friend Jen. We were all sitting around just talking about different things when Jen mentioned that her friend across the street had just broken up with her boyfriend of 3 years, and that she was feeling very down. We continued talking about that and other things until Jed and I started to become restless. We started to explore Jen's house and went into her bedroom (I think Jed tried on one of Jen's dresses, but I'm not sure). Anyway, We came across some of Jen's bow ties that she had to wear for her job at Dan's Food and Drug store. Of course Jed and I tried them on, and you know as soon as a bow tie goes on, one of the very first things that get mentioned is the Chippendale's Dancers. Well, we were no different. Then our thoughts went to the poor girl who had just broken up with her boyfriend and Jed and I decided to try and cheer her up. You guessed it. We stripped down to our boxers, donned our our bow ties, and ran across the street to the girl's house. We knocked on the door and started dancing, but we hadn't thought through our plan very well because the girl's mother answered the door. We quickly quit dancing, but we still asked if the girl was home (talk about brave, or stupid, to ask for a mother's daughter while standing in your underwear). To our surprise, the mother started laughing hysterically and invited us in. She showed us to the living room and called her daughter in. The girl definitely came out of her funk.

The Many Faces of Keira

2008-08-24T21:37:00.007+09:00

Diffusing a Bomb

2008-08-20T22:33:00.005+09:00

My wife has hinted to me that she was going to blog about a small problem of mine. Before she does I thought I would post something to help my situation. What I was saying are real words. The pictures below prove it. These were pulled off of real boxes.

See, it doesn't matter how it is said, they are all right. Just ask Hostess. To all of you who are confused, don't worry about it.

Look at us Now

2008-08-20T20:28:00.008+09:00

Believe it or not these two guys used to run track. In college no less. Now look at them. Two fat old daddies that probably don't get off the couch too much. Speaking of track, here is another excursion of

It was during our senior year at Cottonwood High School and we had a track meet at...I think it was Provo High School. Anyway, I was competing in the high jump. It was my last chance to clear 6 feet (my personal best), so I new I had to give it all I had to get over this height. I went through my routine, counted my steps and launched myself into the air. As my head cleared the bar, I realized I was higher than I had ever been, and I was going to clear the bar by about 6 inches. As I flopped the lower half of my body over the bar, I looked again to see my landing and I was just in time to see the edge of the mat fly past me. I knew this was going to hurt, and it did. I missed the mat all together. I hit the ground hard on my upper right shoulder, I bent in half, and my left knee flew up and gave me a pop-knot on the right side of my forehead. As I laid there on the track in a crumpled heap, I could tell that a very concerned hush had fallen over everyone. You could here a pin a drop for only about 3 seconds before the silence was broken up by the annoying cackle of one person. I lifted my head to see my best friend rolling on the ground laughing hysterically, and all the people either looking at me in horror, or at him in disgust. I was helped up, and besides the bump on my head and the road rash on my shoulder, the only thing hurt was my pride. (I never could get past my mind block to clear 6 feet again. In college my coach would tell me that I was jumping high enough over 5'10" to actually clear 6'10", but when ever the bar was set at 6' or above my mind wouldn't let me do it.) I don't know if Jed felt bad for laughing at me, or he just wanted to play doctor (he was my doctor once before. I'll tell you about that later.), but he offered to clean me up and bandage my wound. He knew that our coach had some spray disinfectant in his bag, so Jed dug through the bag and grabbed the can. He told me, "this might hurt a little". He started to spray. Just then the sharpest burn/sting I have ever felt rushed through the wound. When I flinched, he said, "I told you it was going to sting. Hold still." He continued to spray, all the while I was clinching my teeth and doing the best I could to endure the pain. When he was done I looked at the can. It turned out that he had been treating my road rash with the spray adhesive used to prep your skin before you put on the pre-rap for a tape job. (pretty much spray glue.) Needless to say removing that bandage was a-whole-nother experience in pain. Thanks for being there for me Jed.

She Won't Quit Dancing

2008-08-17T11:12:00.012+09:00

When she could barely stand.

Just before bed.

While bowling.

Watching the olympics. All the time. I blame her aunt Jenny.

I'm Glad You Asked

2008-08-17T10:28:00.005+09:00

My sister Jenny asked the following question that I will do my best to answer.

"This is a serious one and it may just be a simple answer but I really was wondering...Why does ice cream create a "brain freeze"?"

Well Jenny, the headache probably comes because your brain is smarter than your stomach and is trying to tell you that ice cream isn't good for you. Ha Ha (insert snooty intellectual laugh) I'm kidding. Now, all jokes aside this is a very serious issue that plagues many ice cream eaters around the world. When you take an enormous bite of your triple chocolate fudge ice cream with nuts, it touches the roof of your mouth, and that is where it all begins. There are many blood vessels and nerves in the roof of your mouth, more specifically, in your soft palate. That is the softer (as the name suggests) part of the top of your mouth closer to your throat. When any frigid cold substance touches this part, all those tiny blood vessels expand to allow more warm blood in to the cold area to warm it up. Like when you are cold and your skin is red. Same concept. More blood is going to the cold area. This rapid swelling causes discomfort, "but why do we feel it your brain?" you ask. Well, hold your horses, I am getting there. Have you ever heard about people who are about to have a heart attack often have pain in their shoulder and arm? This is called "referred pain", or what I like to call "phantom pain". In this case the heart is in pain, but the person feels it somewhere else because when we were put together some of the nerves got mixed up. Certain arm nerves got placed in the heart, and certain mouth nerves got placed in the brain. Who knows, maybe if you got your brain really cold, you would get a "mouth freeze". It is all science. Trust me. I personally have never had a brain freeze, but by the look on some peoples faces, I am sure it is not pleasant. There are ways to ward off the effects of the "brain freeze" a little quicker. You can blow into your hands, or the one that always works for me (or should I say, would work for me if I ever got a brain freeze.) is pressing your tongue firmly to the roof of your mouth. I hope this helps you, and be careful. That ice cream can be very dangerous stuff.

Ask Eric Again

2008-08-09T17:18:00.002+09:00

Here is your chance to ask me any questions and I will dedicate a post to answering the question. Who can stump me? No one has been able to so far, not even you Mike.

Run Ozzie!

2008-08-02T16:45:00.009+09:00

This morning I was getting ready for the day when my sweet daughter came into my room, and asked very politely, "Where's Ozzie?" (Ozzie is her cat, if you were wondering.)

I asked her "why do you want Ozzie?"

Just then I noticed that she was holding one of her toys (see below minus the rings) like a hammer and she had a very serious look on her face when she said, "because I'm gonna kill him."

Shocked and surprised I quickly asked her, "what?"

At this she slammed the toy hard against our bed and said again with more determination, "I am gonna kill him!"

I had to know, so I asked, "why are you going to kill Ozzie?"

"He is being rude." she accused.

"How is he being rude?" I asked.

But before she could answer she noticed Ozzie run into her bedroom and under her bed. she quickly ran after him brandishing her weapon. I watched her chase him all around her bedroom until Ozzie found shelter under her dresser. Once Keira started banging on her dresser with her toy and yelling at Ozzie, I decided it was time to step in. I had to give her the talk that we don't kill animals just because they are being rude. I probably should have had this talk with her when Tricia was showing her a big caterpillar walking around on our porch. Keira bent down to look at it and said "ooooooo" just before she stomped the life out of it. "I killed the bug" she said proudly. She now knows that killing bugs and animals is not a good thing. I still don't know what Ozzie did to make her so mad, but I do know that she still loves her cat very much.

Lights Out!

2008-08-02T15:47:00.010+09:00

An escapade of

Just one of the many more to come.

One night, my buddy Jed and I had decided to visit one of our friends at her place of employment. She worked atWe parked in the back of the restaurant and as we were walking to the front of the store, we noticed a large pull switch. You know, like the big pull down levers that you see in the movies that the bad guy uses to turn on his elaborate machine to slowly kill the hero. (You know what I am talking about.) Anyway, Jed and I sat there awhile debating on whether or not we should pull the lever, and finally we came to the conclusion that it looked to important to mess with. (at least I thought that was the conclusion we had reached.) So, I turned around and continued walking to the front of the restaurant. When I reached the first window, I looked in and saw all of the people sitting at their tables enjoying their meals, but they were only there for a moment until it all went black. I was confused. I looked up at the marquee and it was dark too. I looked at the store next to us and it was all lit up. Suddenly suspecting something, I turned all the way around to find Jed on the ground laughing hysterically. Yup, HE PULLED THE SWITCH! I panicked. I started running as fast as I could to my car and tried to pick Jed up as I passed him. On the way to my car I realized that it would take too long to get into my car. You see the door had been dented in by a drunk driver, and ever since I had been entering my car through the window, Dukes of Hazard style. So because I thought it would take too long I changed course to a nearby apartment complex. On the way there, I realized that some of the employees knew what my car looked like so I quickly changed course again towards my car. During this entire decision making dilemma, Jed was still on the ground and laughing even harder at the sight of my indecision. Somehow we both got into the car and made it home. The End.

She's Got Stage Presence

2008-07-28T18:57:00.004+09:00

Who?

2008-07-23T20:21:00.006+09:00

So, the other day, (I just love stories that start out that way.) So, the other day, my wife Tricia, my daughter Keira, and I were at the shoppette (it's like a 7-Eleven for all of you non-military folks). We were grabbing a few things and to save time Tricia and I split up. I took Keira with me. I finished gathering up the things that I needed and started telling Keira that I hoped mommy was done. This prompted her to start calling out, "Tricia, hurry up. It's time to go. Tricia, where are you? Tricia, lets go now!"

I quickly corrected Keira by saying, "her name isn't Tricia it is mommy."

Which resulted in another correction from her. "No, her name is Tricia!"

During this whole fiasco, Tricia heard everything from the next aisle over so she decided it was time to intervene. She came around the corner and, in a somewhat sad tone said, "Keira, my name is mommy."

But, Keira would not budge. She promptly replied, "No, your name is Tricia!"

So, Tricia asked her, "Then what is daddy's name?"

Keira turned to look at me, and as confident as she could be, she said very firmly, "JOSH!"

What Do You Remember?

2008-07-21T17:13:00.001+09:00

My sister posted this on her blog, and I had to try it out, so here are the rules:
1. Add a comment on my blog, leave one memory that you and I had together. It doesn't matter if you knew me a little or a lot, anything you remember!

2. Next, re-post these instructions on your blog and see how many people leave a memory about you. It's actually pretty funny to see the responses. If you leave a memory about me, I'll assume you're playing the game and I'll come to your blog and leave one about you. If you don't want to play on your blog, or if you don't have a blog, I'll leave my memory of you in my comments. I can't wait to see what people remember

Random Photo Day!

2008-07-11T19:46:00.007+09:00

Vicious Dog

2008-07-03T09:30:00.004+09:00

We will probably need to keep Naoki muzzled...

...so she doesn't lick Ozzie to death.

I actually think Naoki is just buying her time until we let them stay home alone together. Naoki, that will never happen, just in case you were wondering, or even reading this blog. (Yes, our dog can read and use a computer.)

It's a Bird...It's a Plane...It's Superman?

2008-06-28T11:14:00.008+09:00

A couple of days ago Keira asked to watch a movie. When I asked her which one she wanted to watch she said "Superman". I thought she might be asking to watch the Incredibles even though she usually says "credbuls". But, when I asked, she said "No, superman." So I pulled out our original Superman Movie and said "this one?". She started jumping up and down and said very excitedly "yeah Superman!" I have no idea where she developed this love of Superman, because the last time that show was on in our house was long before Keira was even born. However she learned about this, she knew she liked it. I put it on for her and she was glued to the t.v. for the entire movie, which is very rare because she usually loses interest 45 minutes in.

She then watched the second one, and the new one. She loves Superman.

In the car I put on the Superman theme song and she started doing her wiggle dance and laughed like crazy. She again started yelling "yeah, Superman!" She even threw a little tantrum when Tricia changed it to a different song. Tricia and I are baffled by her dedication to this super hero, especially when there has been no guidance in the matter from either of us. I am starting to wonder if she knows my secret identity.

Peace Maker

2008-06-28T10:33:00.004+09:00

Keira has turned out to be the voice of reason in the Atkinson household. If I start teasing Tricia, Keira will come right up to me, shake her pointer finger at me, and say, "NO NO DADDY, STOP BUGGING MOMMY! Go timeout." If I accidentally flatulate, she will grab my hand and say, "Daddy bathroom now!" and proceed to pull me into the bathroom. When I am teasing Tricia while we are driving Keira will yell, "DADDY STOP TALKING! DADDY DRIVE!". If I don't stop and Tricia ends up punching me in the leg or arm, Keira will yell, "NO NO MOMMY! NO HIT DADDY!" But if I continue, even after all of that, to "bug" Tricia, without warning I will get one of Keira's children's size 8 shoe in the backside of my head, and when I turn around to tell her no no, I get the second one right in the face. This has happened numerous times, so we reenacted the whole thing so Tricia could take a picture of this disciplinary display.

Introducing....

2008-06-28T08:18:00.006+09:00

So, Tricia has her dog, Naoki. She is an American Pit Bull Terrier. One of the best dogs either of us have ever owned.

I have my pet fish, Nemo, Pinky, Dot, and Jaques. Oh, and an anemone.

And Keira didn't have any pet. We (by we, I mean Tricia) looked into how hard it is to ship animals back to the states, and it turns out that the military will ship two pets back for us. I never planned on keeping my fish because it isn't possible to ship the fish back. also, it is cheaper to have this kind of aquarium here because I don't have to buy all of the salt to make saltwater (we have pre-made salt water not more than 5 minutes away.) Tricia's dog will be coming back for sure. Every time we go to our friends house Keira plays with their cat the whole time, and every time we go to pet box, she throws a fit when she has to leave all of the kittens. Tricia also regrets having to give away her cat Trinity, and misses her a lot. So, "we" found a lady that was giving away kittens and we adopted a little kitten that we named Ozzie. (Tricia asked who my favorite baseball player was, and I told her "Ozzie Smith". It stuck) Now, with no further ado, I introduce to you all OZZIE the super kitten!

He is a Japanese Bobtail cat. This does not mean that he has no tail. He has a curly tail like a pig's tail, and when he gets older it will fuse together and give him that bobtail look.

Keira loves her kitty cat so much, and we have to stay on her everyday to make sure she doesn't love him to death. She tries to carry him everywhere. Luckily, Ozzie is a very laid back feller and even enjoys all the attention (most of the time.)

Oh yeah, Tricia, no more pets until we open up our own zoo. I love you.

Drive or Park Wherever You Want

2008-06-07T11:25:00.006+09:00

Yes Michael, it is finally time to answer your question. I am sorry that I have left you in suspense for so long. I can't imagine how you have managed to go about your life not knowing the answer to your question. You wrote, "I have a question for you...Why do they name Parkways, parkways, and driveways, driveways? Cause you park on a driveway and drive on a parkway. It doesn't make sense. Answer that oh space cadet." Well, in order to answer your question I must take you on a trip down history lane. So, pack your bags, because here we go.

Back in the day, and I mean way back in the day, there was (and still is) the word "Parc". This word pretty much means an enclosed area. This has morphed into the word "Park", which still means the same thing but has more connotations to a place that has been beautified with shrubberies and flowers and such. A Parkway, is a way to the park. It was a road that goes to a park, then it changed its meaning again to a road that has shrubberies and "beautiful" landscaping along the road. Next time you are on a parkway, take a moment to enjoy the shrubberies. Being in the military, I also know that the fenced-in areas where the military stored their vehicles and munitions were called parks. When they would leave their vehicles in these parks, they would say they were "parking" it. As these WWII vets got out of the military and continued using the term "park" as civilians, it caught on and that is why we know "park" our car.

Driveways in ancient history used to be a lot longer than they are now. So, you actually had to drive on them in order to get to the house. These days, you still drive on them a bit before you park, and if you park in the garage, then you only drive on them. I know that personally I have parked on a parkway and driven on a driveway. And with that I hope your question was answered adequately.

Thank you for your question Michael, and I look forward to your next one (because I know you are confused most of the time, so I know you have many more questions to ask.)

But what are they saying?

2008-06-05T18:00:00.007+09:00

I got a question from my sister Angie that I would like to try and answer (sorry Mike, I will get to yours, but she asked hers first through email). Angie wrote, "I got a question for ya. However, if it sucks, blame dad. We came up with it during breakfast. "What makes Rice Krispies cereal 'snap, crack, and pop'? And what is the difference between a snap, crack, and pop...how do you tell the difference?" Love, Angie"

Well Angie, let me first start by giving some definitions of the subjects in question.

Pop - a short, quick, explosive sound.
Crackle - slight, sudden, sharp noises, rapidly repeated.
Snap - A sudden sharp cracking sound or the action producing such a sound.
Crack - a sudden, sharp noise, as of something breaking. (I think you meant crackle, but I added this one just in case.)

I will answer your second question first as this will help answer your first question. Now bear with me. The difference between snap, crack[le] and pop are easy if you break down the word into smaller pieces. For instance, "POP" starts with a "P". to make this sound you close your lips together, build up some air pressure behind your lips, then let the air escape suddenly causing the "puh" sound. The "O" in "POP" will give you the "aahh" sound by vibrating your vocal cords with your mouth wide open. And for the final "P" in "POP" see above because it is the same.

Now "SNAP" also has a "P" in it so I will not spend any more time on that letter. The "S" and "N" together form a "consonant cluster" (not to be confused with a consonant digraph). They each keep their original sound. To form the sound of the "S" you need to put your tongue to the top of your mouth and force air past it. The "N" is a bit trickier. You need to start vibrating your vocal cords while holding an almost smile creating an "ehhh" sound then sharply cut off the noise by thrusting your tongue to the top of your mouth. The "A" is a "short a", which means that it sounds like the "A" in "CAT". You manage this sound by placing the tip of your tongue to the back of your bottom teeth, and opening your mouth wide, while you are vibrating your vocal cords. This type of "A" sound will also be heard in the word "CRACK".

"CRACK" has two consonant clusters, but one is a consonant digraph, which means, two consonants producing one sound. The "C" and the "R" each keep their own sound. the "C" is a "hard C" which gives it the sound of a "K". To make this sound you close off the back of your throat, and like the "P", you build up air pressure, and quickly release it. To make the "R" you need to curl, or roll, your tongue to the back of your throat while vibrating your vocal cords. Hispanics do this very well. "CK" is the consonant digraph. This sound is created the same way that the first "C" is. If you want to add the "LE" to "CRACK", you will need to figure that out for yourself. Sorry, I just do not have the time to answer that portion because I would need to get into all sorts of alien conjugated verb forms to explain. Moving on.

I guess the short answer would have been that they sound different when you say them.

Now to answer your first question, "why do Rice Krispies snap, crack, and pop?" I know you have seen the commercial for this particular cereal where they try to suggest that the cereal is actually talking to you. They even go as far as showing children discussing, and trying to guess what their cereal is saying as if the cereal has its own language and is trying to converse with them. If the cereal really could talk, it would be obvious that it would be screaming things like, "DON'T EAT US!", "I'm too young to die.", or "Man, you have very bad breath!" I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but cereal can't talk, and Santa Claus does not exist. This particular cereal snaps and pops and all that other jazz because of tiny air bubbles that were captured in each piece of cereal. As the milk makes the walls of the bubble softer, the air tries to escape and eventually pops the bubbles. So in reality, you are only really hearing a POP. I hope this helps your cause. Good night.

Tickler

2008-06-04T16:41:00.004+09:00

I am sorry that I haven't been answering your questions straight away, but I didn't want to cheat anyone, so I have had to research each question extensively in order to give the most accurate response. My sister Jenny asked the first question so I will answer hers first. She asked, "Are birds tickled by feathers? No one I have asked has an answer and I really need to know!" Well Jenny, the answer is yes. Let me explain. Humans have hair, correct? Well I know I have been asleep before and have been woken by a hair tickeling my nose. Now, if feathers are to birds as hair is to humans, then it would be safe to say that yes, birds can be tickled by feathers. One may argue that feathers are not to birds as hair is to humans. Instead, birds have feathers to help them fly, and that humans have hair to look good. I say to these people that this is wrong. Feather and hair alike are for protection like chainmail. Planes do not have feathers, and they fly so why would a bird need feathers to fly. And it is proposturous to think that we were given hair to look good. I mean I have a lot of hair that does just the opposite (on my back). This brings me to a slight tangent. Hair is the reason that men are stronger (in general) than women. Women aren't as protected by hair all over their bodies (again, in general) like men are. So because men are already more protected, and some instances almost invincible because of the hair on their bodies, they need to be stronger to protect the more hairless women. I have drawn a picture to illustrate these things we have been talking about.

Jenny, I hope this has eased your troubled mind. If you have any further questions regarding this subject, please feel free to ask.

Japanese Pranksters

2008-05-21T22:04:00.004+09:00

Sorry to both of you who count on my weekly Japanes Pranks. I have been very busy lately. I was studying and took two CLEP tests to finish off my associate degree, and I have been studying for a CDC test (it is an air force test), and I have been studying for the SAT so I can get accepted into the Physician's Assistant program here in the air force. If I make it into that program, we will be coming back to the states (San Antonio to be precise). I would be going to school there for two years to get a master's degree and then hopefully we would be shipped over seas again. Don't get too excited about us coming back yet, because even if I do get accepted, we still wouldn't be returning for another 2 years. Anyway, let me get to the real reason you are here. Old men can be so weird!

You Can Do Better Than That!

2008-05-21T21:45:00.004+09:00

So I had my first "Ask Eric" question, and it is a very easy one. But, because I am true to my word, I will answer it in a post. Jenny (my sister) wrote, "Sarah sent you some pictures of mom via e-mail did you get them? Well Jenny, your answer is yes. Yes I did get the pictures of mom and in case I forget, will you please tell her thank you for me? I will try to remember to. Oh, wait, Sarah, if you are reading this, I did get the pictures of mom. Thank you very much, they will work nicely. I was wondering though, that they might be higher quality if you could scan them differently. When it shows you the preview before you actually press scan, there should be a dotted line outlining the entire space (the picture and the surrounding white area). If you resize the dotted line (by clicking and dragging) to the size of the picture, the quality of the picture should come out a little better. If you could try that for me, I would really appreciate it. If not, that is cool too. Again, Sarah, Thank you for sending those pictures, and Jenny, thank you very much for your question. All of you other three people reading this, start sending me some questions. Angie, I know you could come up with some good ones. Oh, I am also going to call out my buddy "Jacoby". You still haven't answered my questions yet. I'm sure you are busy, so I'll forgive you this time. Good night all.

My Friend the Genius

2008-05-16T20:43:00.004+09:00

I have a friend "Jacoby" who is a genius(his name has been changed for his protection). Recently, he has decided to share his intelligence with the entire world by offering to answer people's questions in his blog titled Another Blog About Me. In my borrowed wisdom, I have decided to follow suit. Simply email anything that you would like to know to eric.atkinson@yahoo.com and in the subject line title it "What?". I will dedicate an entire post on my blog to the answer of your inquiry. I look forward to reading about what perplexes you and am excited to share my insights on any of your wonderings. Thank you for your dedication, all three of you. If you would like to receive an intelligent true answer you may want to try asking my friend "Jacoby".

It is Time Once Again for This Week's Japanese Pranks!

2008-05-07T11:12:00.002+09:00

Gotcha!

This Week's Japanese Prank

2008-04-28T11:42:00.003+09:00

Talk about rude awakening! This is this week's Japanese prank. Enjoy.

Where's the Poo?

2008-04-25T16:50:00.007+09:00

So my daughter was on the toilet calling for me to get her a wipe. I gave her the wipe and I thought that she had only gone numero uno, because there was no evidence in the toilet to suggest otherwise. She wiped, got off the toilet, and started to play. As I sat here I noticed a very disagreeable, and very distinguishable odor. It was poo. I didn't see anything right away, but then I noticed a little on Keira's "bumo". Keira has been known to go into another room to do her thing and hide it from us. We don't know why she does this every once in awhile, but she does. So, right away I started searching the house and asking Keira where her poo was. She didn't know, so I kept looking. She asked, "daddy, what are you doing?" and I told her that I was looking for her poo. She promptly started helping, "Poo, where are you?" Needless to say we still have not found the poo. Oh, and Tricia does not know that I even lost the poo yet. Hopefully I will get lucky and it was one of those ghost poos that go straight down the drain without a flush. Wish me luck.

Time-Space Continuum

2008-04-25T11:22:00.007+09:00

Yes, my birthday was yesterday, and it was a good day. I turned 29, but Tricia thinks that she has tricked me into thinking that I am 30. To keep her happy, I will continue to let her think that I think I am 30, but I know she will always be older than me. So, to celebrate, my wife treated me to some . It was delicious. That is our favorite restaurant here. But this blog isn't about my birthday, it is about the preconceived idea of time. I believe that my father is an expert on this subject because when I was younger he unleashed a tiny morsel of his knowledge on me. I had been asking people why it was that each year seems like it goes by faster than the previous year. I got many answers such as, "you are more aware of the time." or "you are busier than you were, so time goes by faster." none of these really satisfied me. It wasn't until I asked my dad that I got an answer that made complete common sense. He said, "look at it like this. From the day you are born until your first birthday you have lived your entire life in one year. From your first birthday until your second birthday you have lived only half of your life in one year. From your second birthday until your third birthday you have live one third of your life in one year, and so on..." I am in the one thirtieth of my entire life, and last year I was only in the one twenty-ninth. So, in comparison to your entire life, each year does get shorter. It's all relative. So perceived time is in relation to something. 30 years could seem like a long time to a ten year old, but to someone that is 90 it may seem like a short time. Even seconds, minutes, and hours are in relation to something. it takes 23 hours and 56 minutes for the earth to make one complete 360 degree rotation. Now who came up with the number 24? I don't know, but it doesn't matter it could have been 10 and still been one rotation. So if 24 hours is one rotation of the earth, and 1 year is one rotation around the sun, what happens if we are able to inhabit other planets? When you are on earth talking to someone on jupiter on the phone and they say, "Hey, I will call you back in 10 minutes." it could be hours later when they finally call but to them they may have called you 2 minutes early. It would depend on the rotation of their planet. Which brings up the point, if you lived on a planet that spun faster, would your work days be shorter in relation to earths work days. If so, then I would work on the fastest rotating planet and take my vacations on the slowest rotating planets. What would the different increments of time be called on another planet? All the good ones are taken like hours, minutes, seconds, and even jiffy (which is an actual value like .000000000000000000000003 seconds in physics or .01 seconds in electronics). Right now they say stuff like "one year on mars is equal to 687 days on earth." But days on mars aren't 23 hours and 56 minutes. A day on mars is equal to 24 hours and 37 minutes. But again those hours and minutes are earth hours and minutes, so for every planet we end up inhabiting, we will need to come up with another system to tell time. Kind of like the english and metric systems we have now. This means more conversion charts. I am not looking forward to living on other planets. This all came about because yesterday (my birthday, in case you forgot) someone at work asked me, "do you feel different now that you are 29?" I said, "not really." But what I wanted to say was, "Of course not. Are you silly? I have spent the last 365.25 days getting used to, and easing my way into 29. It's not like I went to bed last night 28 and woke up today with an entire year of experience that I didn't have when I fell asleep." It is kind of like watching kids grow up. Keira hasn't seemed to change in size to me since the day we brought her home from the hospital (except for that stint of basic training and tech school) because I have been with her as she grows. I am accustomed to it. I know she is bigger than she used to be, because we have pictures. I just don't know when she got bigger. Wouldn't that be scary if you went to bed with a one-year-old-sized child, and woke up with a two-year-old-sized child the next day. Ok, I don't know what else to say about this, but I am sure you all understand. Have a great day (or whatever you call it where you're from.)

Japan is a Scary Place to Live

2008-04-24T11:31:00.003+09:00

I don't want to alarm anyone, but we are living in a very dangerous part of the world over here in Japan. They have these prank shows and I am afraid that I might end up on one someday. It scares me. In honor of the frightening situation we find ourselves in here, I will give you a taste of what might happen to us. I will try to show you a new thing every week. Here is this weeks:

A Tribute to Video Games (dedicated to my father)

2008-04-21T16:23:00.016+09:00

The very first video game was invented while dinosaurs still roamed the earth, and computers still took up an entire room. It was a tennis game that used a cathode ray tube from an oscilloscope. William Higinbotham was the creator, and the year was 1958.

Since then video games have come a very long way. From Pong to Ms. Pac-Man to Mortal Kombat. From the Odyssey to the Nintendo to the X-box 360. I always used to look at video games as being in three categories. The first category is the Arcade Game. I grew up on these classic arcade games because of my father's business. His business is called "Unicorn Enterprises", named after one of my mother's obsessions. He always had a garage full of arcade games like Russian Attack, Street Fighter, NBA Jam, Fighting Golf, a variety of pinballs and many others. During the summers he would open the garage door and kids from all over the neighborhood would come to play video games for free. By the time I was five I was a master of Q*Bert.

This type of game that comes in a wooden cabinet and you need to stand up to play is the all-time classic of video game styles. The second category would have to be the video game console. I am a huge fan of the original Nintendo with games like Tecmo Super Bowl, Bubble Bobble, and who could forget Excite Bike? These games will live on, along with my dad's arcades, in many of my childhood memories. But now I feel that this category of gaming is more for either kids that can't get to an arcade, or lazy adults or parents that would rather spend $50 dollars for 1 game rather than going to an arcade or taking their child to an arcade and spending $10 dollars and playing a variety of games. It is more convenient to sit at home getting fat and play your games, instead of standing at an arcade game which definitely burns more calories. There are the rare few that stand while they play their consoles, and Nintendo has tried to make their customers more healthy with the introduction of the Wii.

Now days however, console games have gotten much more serious with options to connect to the Internet. This brings us to, what I believe, is the third category of video game. The interactive, role playing, computer game. Games like World of Warcraft. I feel that these games are designed more for people that are already married and have a lot of time on their hands or people that will never have the chance to be married because they are social outcasts. They argue that they are meeting new people everyday from all over the world when they play these games. Give me a break. They just want to sound cooler than they know they are. I guess you can chat to people on the game, and it happens more often these days where people will get married after finding each other in a chat room. Maybe this is the nerd's only chance to find love, and they know it. Sorry, I am getting off track. I work in a laboratory, so by default, there are many "geeks" that I work with that are totally into this game. It is all they talk about and all they do with their time. YOU ARE ON AN ISLAND IN A DIFFERENT COUNTRY! GO TO THE BEACH OR SOMETHING! You can take yourself out of the "geek" crowd if you do not begin every sentence with, "so, last night on WOW..." I am not against the game or most of the people that play it. Just the fanatics. I haven't even played the game, it could be good. Don't get me wrong I do enjoy a good game every now and again, but it should not be a life or occupy all of your thoughts and time. So, I choose not to play a game I can't finish in an hour or two. Ok, now that I got that off my chest, I can get on with the real reason I am writing this blog. I have come to find that there is a fourth category to the video game world, and that is Japanese gaming. they have entire shopping malls dedicated to video games, but nothing like I have ever seen. They take it to a whole new level. I will have to show you what I have seen, because not all of it is easy to explain. This one is a fishing game of sorts. That is, it has a big screen laying horizontally and players can be on all four sides and fish for "Nemo" and other fish. the second picture is of the screen itself.

This one is some sort of power ball machine. I think they gamble with this one, but you get tickets by inputting the correct number. I didn't get this one.

I still don't know what this one did, or even what it was, but it was very neat-o. It wasn't a crane machine, but it was almost all 3-D kind of like a pinball. Players could play on all four sides of this one too. Not sure on this one either.

Crane machines are my favorite, and they do a lot of those over here too. Cheetos anyone?

What should I get? Soccer ball or chips?

They also have this game that isn't too out there because nintendo came out with something similar, and there have also been the guitar hero and dancing games that have been popular in the states. This one was fun.

Horse Racing? Those aren't real horses. But you can bet on them like you are at the Kentucky Derby. Again, I think they gamble with this one, or win tickets.

This one I thought was interesting. Do you remember those Magic the Gathering cards? Well, this game is a game sort of like that, but you play against the machine. You still buy and use your cards and everything. Some of these games were for the famous Pokemon cards. I will never be into that, but it looked radical.

So this may not have been a great tribute to video games, but Japan definitely is. Dad, you need to get out here and check some of this stuff out. Unless, of course, they already have these games at those game shows in Vegas.

My Daughter has been Abducted!

2008-04-19T16:29:00.004+09:00

This is the last photograph of my real daughter:

We believe that she has been abducted by aliens. We think this because we started to notice very odd behavior from her. It all started when Tricia called me at work to tell me that "Keira" was flying around the house. She was able to take this photo of her with out being seen. Who knows what could have happened to Tricia if she would have been caught.

We still weren't a hundred percent sure that this was truly an alien. We thought that there was a possibility that our daughter was a super hero. We were finaly convinced when we woke one morning to find that the Keira imposter's hair had turned blue. We have contacted the NISP (National Institute of Strange Phenomenon) and they told us that there have been many sitings of this type of alien, and that they are very dangerous. When we asked what we should do, they said, "Nothing, pretend that this is your little girl because if the alien finds out that you suspect something, they will tear you apart. Needless to say this may be my last blog. I love you all.

Uploaded Videos

2008-04-19T10:53:00.002+09:00

Hey, I've uploaded videos at our site: The Atkinson Clan, I have also created a guest book there where you can leave messages. Please visit the site. Thanks.

Near Death Experience

2008-04-16T20:01:00.004+09:00

I feel lucky and grateful to be alive and telling you this story right now. You all read about my car accident two blogs ago. Let me tell you about another mishap that happened in my car today. It was a beautiful day. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and I was playing volleyball (which we lost, but it was still fun). After the game I decided to take Keira, my two-year-old, home with me since I always enjoy her company and Tricia and I had driven to the game seperately. During the drive we had our windows down basking in the cool spring air and were having a wonderful conversation, Keira and I. Well, it was great until there was a lull in our conversation as I pulled up to a red light. Just as I stopped, a van pulled up next to me, and in it was a giant of a man. He was Michael-Clarke-Duncan-big, but with more muscle mass, and even scarier looking. He was wearing one of those body builder tank tops, you know, the ones that look like the top of a spaghetti strap dress. I didn't think much of it, other than "that guy is ginormous!". And then it happened. From the back seat of my car, in a high pitch, at the top of her lungs yell (and I must tell you, Keira doesn't pronounce her words very well, but the way she enunciated this next sentence, she could have been an english professor at a major university. Go figure.) I hear, "Daddy, Look, Naked!" As I turned to look, I was horrified to see this enormous man looking at me, and I realized Keira couldn't see this man's shirt, and she was still pointing at this behemoth with a disgusted look on her face. For some reason he didn't look happy either (come on it is a kid that said this). Maybe he was having a bad day, and wasn't able to put up his bench max of 732 pounds, or in his defense, maybe he just looks that way. What ever it was it scared me and I panicked. I reached for the window, but I was too late. Just as clear and loud as the first statement, I heard the words, "NO NO, CLOTHES ON NOW!" That was it. I turned left from the lane next to the turn lane as soon as the light turned green, and was lucky he didn't follow. We spend so much time trying to teach our little ones the proper way to behave in public, like telling them to put their clothes back on when they strip down in public. And, if your child has been taught correctly, unfortunately, they will pass that new found knowledge on. Let this be a lesson to you, quick correcting your children, it may save your life.

P.S. Prodigious Man, if you are reading this, my name is Michael, and you can see my real blog at: http://michaelegbert.blogspot.com/
Thank you.

The Heart Beat is Gone.

2008-04-10T11:22:00.006+09:00

Well, it is official, we are no longer pregnant. If you read my post about the one of the best days, I still stand by that it was one of the best days. However, I believe that today is even better. Mostly because Tricia is feeling better now, and as Keira says "tummy fixed". Let me tell you the events that took place that ultimately ended in the miscarriage. Again, as you read in my last post, we were in the ER on Sunday night. There they told us that if Tricia continued to have severe bleeding then we would need to come back in. Well, she did, along with tissue loss, so, on Monday night we went back to the ER. This time was different. They didn't put her in a gown, they only took the tissue sample we had brought, and a urine sample. They then told us that she was miscarrying and put her on quarters (military for bed rest) for 48 hours. They also gave us a definition of what type of severe bleeding would necessitate a return visit to the ER. They didn't even do an ultrasound. Needless to say, when we showed up at the ER the next morning, the doctor didn't do a good job of hiding her frustration about how the doctor had handled our situation from the night before. But, I am jumping ahead of myself, Let me go back. We came home Monday night, and went to bed. The next morning (Tuesday) Tricia had continued to bleed as much as the doctor told us was enough to come back in. Tricia felt ok, so we called the nurses advice hot line and told them what was going on, including what parameters the doctor had given us. The guy on the other end said,

"Oh, you'll be fine. Give it another 2-3 days before you come in."

Tricia Said, "Excuse me, did you mean 2-3 hours?"

"No, 2-3 days."

Well, because Tricia wasn't feeling that bad she accepted the advice and I went to work. I had been at work for about 1 hour when I got a call from Tricia where all she said was, "I need you at home now!" and then she hung up before I could say anything. I rushed out of work and sped home. When I got home, it looked like a murder scene. There was a large puddle of blood on the bathroom floor, bloody hand prints, the toilet was covered in blood, and there was a trail of blood leading to our living room, where Tricia was lying with the phone in her hand. She was awake, so I helped her to the couch. She told me that she had passed out in the bathroom, and when she woke up, she crawled to the living room to get the phone. She was very scared. She said that she didn't even have enough strength to yell loud enough to wake up Keira. She then said that she could walk and that she was feeling better, so in my panick I didn't even think to call 911. Instead I gathered everything up, woke Keira up and loaded everything, Keira and Tricia into the van and rushed them to the ER. When we arrived and checked in, Tricia started to pass out again, so they got her right into a bed and gave her two IVs. Later we found out that she was right on the border of needing a blood transfusion. When Tricia woke up and was feeling better, the doctor started asking about our previous trips to the ER, and that is when you could see that she was in disbelief about how our previous trip was handled. I also got a bit of a scolding when she found out that I had not stayed at home that day with Tricia. You see, the night befor, the doctor should have told us that her quarters was supposed to be a supervised quarters (which he failed to do). So I was not aware that I was supposed to have stayed home. As you can see, that could have made the situation a lot worse. They did an ultrasound and decided that she would need to have surgery to remove the excess tissue and clots still inside. They went into surgery, and it was successful. Now Tricia is at home on 4 different medications that makes her quite humorous, and I have taken the rest of the week off to be here to help her and take care of Keira (being able to watch Tricia's sillyness is a perk). Now, anyone that knows me, knows that I deal with very stressful situations with humor. Call it a defense mechanism if you will. I don't think the elder's quorum second counselor appreciated this very much. Let me explain. On Tuesday when we were at the ER I called him to help me administer to Tricia. When he arrived he started reassuring us that we would be able to raise this child during the millenium. Well because Tricia wants 3 children and I want 2, I made the comment "Sweet, now we only need to have one more." He didn't look amused, but Tricia laughed. Anyway, like I said, today is a good day. Tricia is feeling better, and Keira is as happy as always, and life is good.

One of the Best Days!

2008-04-06T23:31:00.006+09:00

I have a handful of "best days of my life", which include the day I met my wife, The day we got married, the first time I saw Keira's heart beat, and the day Keira was born. Well, I am finishing off another one of the "best days of my life." It started early this morning with the usual wake up call from the daughter at about 6 a.m. Well, I wasn't feeling very well, and Keira was a bit cranky, but other than that, the morning wasn't too eventfull, so we will jump ahead to 1 p.m., CHURCH! Don't get me wrong, I enjoy going to church, but we have callings in the nursery. We have 10 kids in there and today every single one was there, and they were all hopped up on some sort of power sugar. It's bad enough that our church starts at nap time, so they are already cranky or hyper, but they were extra excitable today. Daniel, our must steady guy in there, threw an absolute fit from the second he was dropped off (very uncharacteristic for him) and there was one toy, a truck, that every single kid wanted to play with, and none of the 10 other trucks were good enough. So that went on for the next two hours. Close to when it was time to send the children to their parents I had one last idea to get them to calm down. I sat them all on the floor against the wall and turned out the lights. It was going good. I would ask them where their nose was and they all would proceed to point to their nose. I was even able to teach them where their mandible and flangees (jaw and fingers) were. It was a wonderous moment, they were all quiet at the same time. And then it happened. Tricia popped out the tootsie pop to curb her morning sickness, and one little girl had a breakdown. She could not handle the fact that there was sugary goodness 5 feet away from her and she wasn't going to get any. She began to scream. I tried to sit her back down, when the door opened. It was her mom and she was there to pick up the screaming child and the screaming child's sister (who also is in nursery). I was more than happy to give up the child. Well, after church the branch president wanted to talk to us. While we were waiting, one of Tricia's friends said, "you should probably talk to sister so-and-so, because she told me that you guys had the lights off, all the kids were screaming, and they were sitting up against the wall." We still don't know what will come of that. during our meeting with the president, he just wanted to see how we were doing in our new calling and just check up with us, but during this meeting Keira was all over the place. She was a handful. We finaly made it through the meeting, but during the closing prayer, while everyone's eyes were closed, Keira got up and walked around the desk behind the branch presidents chair. When he said "amen", he pushed his chair back, pinning Keira's head between the wall and the chair. As you can guess, she started screaming. We tryed to calm her down, but she just got worse until she vomitted all over the place. We cleaned her and ourselves up, and started to drive home. On the way home we were stopped behind a long line of cars at a red light. When the light turned green, I watched all the cars start going, and as I too started to press on the gas, I turned my head to the right to look at an oriental shop and by the time I turned back I realized too late that while all of the other cars had started to go, the car in front of me hadn't. So, as luck would have it I trashed the back end of an officer's car. Once we got all of the technicalities of the wreck taken care of, we got home just in time to leave again to a dinner date we had planned with another couple in our branch. Before we left I went into my back yard to talk to the neighbor and as usual our dog, Naoki, jumped all over me. Again, as luck would have it, Naoki had just stepped in a very fresh, very soft, very stinky turd that was now all over my pants. So I changed my pants. The dinner at our friend's home was very enjoyable. Keira actualy was well behaved, and the food was excellent. As we sat playing a card game, Tricia got up to use the rest room. When she came back she wispered in my ear that there was some unusual bleeding and that we should probably go. They offered to keep Keira there while we went to the emergency room so we agreed and left in a hurry. We spent 4 hours of waiting and blood tests and all the other things they do to you when you go to the ER and determined that Tricia was NOT miscarrying, but the chances are now about 50-50 that she will. We got back on base around midnight and woke our friends up so we could pick Keira up. as I was walking to my side of the car, I fell off of the curb and twisted my ankle pretty good. That is not it. It is almost 1 in the morning and I need to be at work at 6, but instead of sleeping right now, I am typing this while I wait for my only uniform to get out of the washer and dryer so I can iron it. You see when I got home I realized that I had put them in the laundry basket along with a wet towel. I may have been able to salvage it if it weren't for the wet towel, but since it had been sitting there since friday, it was all moldy. Now you ask, "why did he title this one of his best days after all of that?" Well, let me tell you. My wife is okay, and still pregnant. And the thing that really made this day such a great day was I saw my babies heart beat on the monitor. Good night.

I'm Dating a Blog!

2008-04-06T10:51:00.003+09:00

When I was younger I saw people that were in-blog and I thought to my self, "Self, those people are silly, don't they have anything better to do with their time?" I was sure that all blogs had cooties. I would never let myself fall in-blog with a blog. And then it happened. One rainy night when it was too cold and dreary to leave the house, one of my very close friends introduced me to a blog. This blog changed my views on being in-blog. All my cootie thoughts vanished and I was mesmerized. I got the blogs number and we enjoyed our time together that day. At the end of the blogging, we said our good-byes with the typical "Call me."

I didn't blog right away. I knew the rule, 3 days. You don't want to look desperate or insecure, so I waited those three days, but I thought about this new blog every minute. On the third day I pulled out all the stops, and blogged the best blog I have ever blogged. I wanted to leave no doubt in this blog's mind that we were meant to blog together. Well, needless to say, it worked. I blogged all the time. Sometimes I had to put myself in check because I would want to blog 2 or 3 even 5 times a day, but I didn't want to overwhelm my blog. Still, I checked on my blog at least 4 times a day, but in a way that my blog wouldn't know (you can call it stalking, but I call it true-blog.) This blog was affecting my life in a major way. I would lay in bed at night, unable to sleep because I was thinking of new and wonderful ways to blog. I was constantly distracted at work coming up with new ideas to blog about. I was hooked. I had become one of those people I promised myself I would never be. It is funny how that works.

As all of this became more of a reality for me I started to worry about other things, like "will my family like this blog?" and "how am I going to care for this blog?" I was more careful with my blog. I tried to make the most of it. I would watch it very closely to see if there were any signs of "crazy". There was, and I couldn't have been more excited about the craziness. So, I introduced my blog to my family, and they loved it. They would comment on how neat it was and some of my family even went on to find their own blogs. The hard part was over. So, on a warm summer day under an enormous oak tree I committed to my blog. This is for keeps. This is the stage I am at now.

I fully expect that this blog will become like all the other blogs. I'm sure we will have many little blogs (as a relult to our blogging) who will grow up into amazing blogs and even columns. My blog and I will settle down in Houston, Texas when our little blogs have moved out on their own, and we will continue to blog to our hearts content. Until then, enjoy the blogging.

What is She Saying Now?

2008-04-03T16:38:00.015+09:00

I had such a great response from my last post of Keira singing (2 comments), that I thought I would make a quiz out of it. I have recorded some of Keira's favorite words and sayings to see if you all can tell what in the world she is saying (yes I know, because I told her to say them). Good Luck.

Here are all of the answers to the "What is She Saying Now?" game. If you would like to hear them again, they are at: The Atkinson Clan website. Thank you for playing.

Answer to 1: "Good girl, boy!"
Answer to 2: "Bisquits and gravy."
Answer to 3: "Happy birthday!"
Answer to 4: "What's that?"
Answer to 5: "Hi grandma, hi grandpa."
Answer to 6: "How are you?"
Answer to 7: "I am two."
Answer to 8: "It's a diaper"
Answer to 9: "Let's go shopping."
Answer to 10: "Juice please."
Answer to 11: "My bracelet."
Answer to 12: "Naked bumo."
Answer to 13: "Whate are you doing?"
Answer to 14: "What's up doc?"
Answer to 15: "Walking the dog?"
Answer to the bonus question: "Sea anenome."

GUESS WHAT!

2008-04-02T20:45:00.007+09:00

Well, Here it is, the big news. I will get to take an extra child tax credit this year. WOO HOO! TRICIA IS PREGNANT (Finally). I got a great idea that I can't take any credit for at all, because I stole it from my good friend Jake. The idea is to hold a contest or baby pool if you will. There will be three winners, closest guess to the birth date, closest guess to the baby's length, and closest guess to the baby's weight. The three winners will get a Japanese Spinning Hand Drum (which Japanese name escapes me right now) just like the ones seen in the legendary movie "Karate Kid part III".

So start sending in those guesses and when the winners are announced, I will get your shipping info at that time. Oh yes, a couple hints, the baby's due date is November 16th and I am tall and fat. P.S. Wishful thinking has made me post this in the chosen color.

Anyone can comment now!

2008-04-02T06:07:00.002+09:00

I know a lot of the family doesn't have a blog page so I have made it so anyone can leave a comment on any of the posts (that includes you grandma woolley). Please leave your name when you do leave a comment if you don't have a blog so I know who sent it. otherwise it will show up as "anonymous".

Name that Song

2008-04-02T00:32:00.009+09:00

Keira has learned a new song and would like to sing it for you. The trick is, do you know what song she is singing? Take a listen, give a guess, and I will let you know next week.

She is singing "Itsy Bitsy Spider". If you listen really close you can see her doing the actions too.

Looky at What I Did

2008-04-01T17:47:00.002+09:00

I updated my profile, so if you want to know who I really am, here is your chance!------------------------------------>

Dearest Michael,

2008-03-29T11:39:00.001+09:00

I am greatful for your thoughtfulness in your comment. I do understand that you weren't as edjucated as well as most. It is evident that you can not read a clock, and I mean digital clock. You said that you were up at midnight posting comments and yet the time of your post was 10pm. (it keeps track). I also understand your frustration and realize that your anger is not with me, but more with yourself because you didn't find the 6 "f"s and you were thinking of a gray elephant from Denmark. Oh, and you didn't realize that all of the strippling warriors are dead. anyway, I hope this post isn't too long for you and that I haven't used any words that are too big for you to understand. If so, ask Kristen and she will probably be able to help you. Most of all, please try to refrain from anger because your happiness is the utmost importance to me. I love you and again thank you for your sentiments. Also, for all of you others that are not Michael but decided to read this post, I have included a picture of my handsome brother-in-law. Isn't he special?

I was just wondering.

2008-03-21T21:52:00.001+09:00

-If something “goes without saying,” why do people still say it?
-Why does Hawaii have an interstate?
-Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
-Why do cars carry shipments, and ships carry cargo?
-Do fish get thirsty?
-Why didn’t the “Psychic Friends Network” know that they were going out of business?
-How do you know when you run out of invisible ink?
-Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?
-Why is the third hand of a watch called the “second hand”?
-I think people that say “in other words” should use those other words in the first place.
-Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?
-Why aren’t buildings called “builts”?
-Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, but dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?
-I wonder if George Washington just pulled out a quarter when asked for ID.
-If they are made for sitting, then why do they call them stands?
-Why are there self-help “groups”?
-If Barbie is so popular, then why do you have to buy all of her friends?
-If peanut butter cookies are made with peanut butter, what are Girl Scout cookies made out of?
-Why is traffic the slowest during rush hour?
-What happens if you are scared half-to-death twice?
-If the #2 pencil is so popular, why isn’t it #1?
-If you try to fail, and you succeed, which have you done?
-I’m glad my vacuum sucks.
-What hair color do they put on the licenses of bald men?
-Why was Olive the other reindeer so mean to Rudolph?
-Why does your nose run and your feet smell?
-Why is the word monosyllabic so long?
-Why don’t they put parachutes under plane seats instead?
-What do people in China call their good plates?
-Is the alphabet in that order because of the song?
-Why is it possible to chop down a tree and then chop it up?
-What is the Roman Numeral for zero?
-How do you get off of a non-stop flight?
-Do blind people see their dreams?
-Why are blackboards green?
-Can women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
-If practice makes perfect, and nobody is perfect, then why practice?
-Why are boxing rings square?
-Why do hotdogs come in packs of 8, but buns come in packs of 10? (honestly)
-Why is it that the person who handles your money is called a broker?
-Why do you click on start to turn off your computer?
-Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
-Why do we play in recitals and recite in plays?
-If someone was addicted to counseling, how could you treat them?
-What do you call a male ladybug?
-Do they sterilize the needle when giving a lethal injection?
-Why is your son’s first word “dada” and if he makes it on TV as an athlete he will say “hi mom”?
-What would Geronimo say if he jumped off a cliff?
-Why do the ABC song, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, and Baa Baa Black Sheep all have the same tune?
-Is Disneyland the only people trap set by a mouse?
-If electricity comes from electrons does morality come from morons?
-If Superman could stop bullets with his chest, why did he always duck when they threw the gun?
-Do Roman paramedics refer to IVs as 4s?
-If corn oil is made from corn and olive oil is made from olives, what is baby oil made of?
-Why isn’t there mouse flavored cat food?
-Why aren’t hemorrhoids called asteroids?
-Why are Chinese fortune cookies written in English?
-Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
-How does the guy that drives the snow plow get to work in the morning?
-If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
-If a cow could laugh, would milk come out her nose?
-Why does fast Sunday go by so slow?
-Why don’t dogs like you blowing in their face, but they will stick their head out the window of a car?
-Why do we put suits in a garment bag, and garments in a suitcase?
-Why does “fat chance” and “slim chance” mean the same thing?
-If nothing sticks to Teflon, how do they get it to stick to the pan?
-How do blind people know when they are done wiping?
-Why is it called “after dark”, when it is really after light?
-Why do we sing “Take Me Out to the Ball Game” if we are already there?
-It bothers me that doctors call what they do “practice”.
-Why do signs that say “SLOW CHILDREN AT PLAY” have a picture of a running child?
-Why is it called chili if it is supposed to be hot?
-If your dog is blind, are you considered a seeing-eye human?
-If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
-If quitters never win and winners never quit, why would anybody quit while they were ahead?
-Do geese get people bumps?
-Do chickens get people pox?
-Why is there Braille on the drive-up ATM keypad?
-Doesn’t “expecting the unexpected” make the unexpected expected?
-Do people in Australia call the United States “Up-Over”?
-Why are wrong numbers ever busy?
-Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?
-Why are you still reading this?

Free Toy... I Mean Post Inside!

2008-03-21T18:02:00.001+09:00

There comes a time in every mans life where he finds the urge to research the most random and unnecessary facts (made up or not). This point in my life has been abundant for quite awhile, so I would like to share with you some of my findings as well as a few things I conjured up myself. (See if you can tell the difference)
- Elephants are afraid of mice.
- Millions of trees in the world are accidentally planted by squirrels who bury nuts and then forget where they hid them.
- Almonds are a member of the peach family.
- A rose is considered a fruit.
- Peanuts are one of the ingredients used in dynamite.
- You are most likely to have a heart attack on a monday morning.
- Boogers have more nutrients than lettuce.
- The sentence "the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every letter in the English language.
- Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia is the fear of long words.
- More people are killed by donkeys annually than are killed in plane crashes.
- The Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from Public Libraries.
- Charlie Chaplin once won third prize in a Charlie Chaplin Look-Alike Contest.
- The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.
- The original name for butterfly was flutterby.
- The name Wendy was made up for the book "Peter Pan". There was never a recorded Wendy before.
- On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents daily.
- You will try to put pants on after your shoes and get stuck at least 10 times your entire life.
- Bananas are toxic to dogs.
- The human heart creates enough pressure to squirt blood 30ft.
- The number of the trash compactor in Star Wars is 3263827.
- A scientist from brazil found two snow flakes that were IDENTICAL.
- Roosters lay an average of 6 eggs a day.
- Coconut milk is the #1 choice to curb morning sickness.
- In the US, more monopoly money is printed in a year than real money.
- The Salt Lake City LDS Temple was built without mortar.
- 111,111,111 squared is 12,345,678,987,654,321
- Arachibutyrophobia is the fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth.
- Taumatawhakatangihangaoauauotameteaturipukakapikimaungaho-ronukupokaiwhenuakitanatahu is the name of a hill in New Zealand.
- Los Angeles's full name is, "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de Poriuncula"
- You cannot name a folder "con" if you are using microsoft.
- The book "GADFY" , written by Earnest Wright in 1939 has 50,000+ words in it, and not one of those words has the letter "e".
- There is a good chance that your zipper has the initials "YKK" on it. (Made you look)
- Yo-Yos were once used as weapons in the Philippines.
- The platypus sheds its skin once every 2 years in the same manner as a snake.
- You are most likely to buy ketchup when you still have some, but you thought you were out.

A quick brain teaser for all of you devoted readers (devoted because you read this far into this post). Count how many times the letter "f" is used in this quote: (Let me know how many you got the first time you counted)

"finished files are the result of years of

scientific study combined with the experience of

many years."

Another one? Okay, okay. Pick a number between 1 and 10. Multiply that number by 9. This will be your new number. Add the digits of your new number (example: if you got 23, then 2+3=5). This will be your new new number. subtract 5 from this number. Now you have your last number and it is equivalent to a letter (example: 1=A, 2=B, 3=C, 4=D, 5=E...etc.). This is your letter. Think of a country that begins with this letter. Now think of the second letter of this country (example: Australia = U). Think of an animal that begins with this letter. Finaly, think of a color for this animal. You got it? What is it?

Now, for all of you Latter-Day Saints out there, a trivia question. How many "Strippling Warriors" were there? And for extra credit, how many of them died?

See comments for the answers (If you care).
Thank you and good night.

This one goes out to Mike and Kristen

2008-03-06T18:38:00.002+09:00

Hello Mike and Kristen. As I understand it, you check Tricia and my blogs every week, and nothing new is ever posted. Well, today is your lucky day because not only have I posted something new, I have even added a photo to my post. The picture that you are undoubtedly viewing at this very second is a large cliff (if you couldn't tell) here in Okinawa. In case you were wondering, I didn't fall off. Kristen, will you explain to Mike that if I had fallen off, I wouldn't be alive to be blogging about this paricular cliff. I did however get bitten by one of the deadliest snakes in the world, the Habu. Just kidding. Now Mike let Kristen know that I am alive because I wrote this after my imaginary encounter with a Habu snake. The thing about blogs that I am realizing right this minute is there is really nothing interesting to wright about, unless you make it that way. So, Let me know how my blogging abilities are, and know that your feedback will be directly proportional to the frequency of my posts. Thank you and good day... I said Good Day!